What has gotten into me?
He came by and went in front of me and whispered an unusual "Ohayou".
I greeted him back. We smiled.
There were a lot of things that had occurred after that. We chatted. I seemed to ignore him. I tried my best to live with what I've promised to myself the other day-- I should not think and mind him even when he's around.
He sits beside me. I wavered... suddenly, I felt empty. Why can't I be able to say something other than my expressions of amazement when it comes to others? I can't even watch nor motivate him as he plays his turn. I can't look. I can't fall for him any longer.
Dame yo. Zettai... dame yo...
The ambiance is light when our group mates are around. I was able to tell tales from our English 1. He's listening. I told him some things about me-- even to others. I said I dislike my name. He mentioned nut. Yes, that's exactly why! He repeated my name, again and again. I said I'm irked. He stops, smiling. I smiled, but contentedly to myself. I saw that smile again. His stoic and poker face sometimes confuse me. He interacts with others. I stood beside the bench and I am reading the book.
We talked about my liking on basketball. I said I do not play, and I'm definitely weak when it comes to balls. He suddenly mentioned before that that "I play," we all looked at him. "Really?" I asked, "Yeah, it's not obvious, right?" he replies jokingly. Joanna thought for a while, "You're tall. So I think so you can." I thought for a while too. Wow. Wow. This is so not the person I want to leave. Not the one I would grieve on because I cannot meet him anymore after summer. Not the person I won't be able to spend the rest of my nonsense days... not the person who could change my life...
It's actually him.
And it saddened me.
It's my turn again.I play, get a zero. He was the one scoring.
It can't be helped either. I end up laughing with him, standing so close to him, staring at him. I think of other things to think of. Ah, the book. yes. I borrowed it in order to set a path for me. I should read it while he's around-- that way I won't mind him. His closeness triggers me to glance at him occasionally.
He glances back. We stared at each other for a brief moment. He turns back, I do too.
This is getting less awkward, but there's this time...
We sit beside each other. Nothing to do. I wasn't scoring. I heard him puff a bit of a sigh, or was it a "Hn". We do not speak with each other. Silence. Occasional laughs by our fellow group mates.
John was making me laugh. He was telling that the shot was "for you". I laughed away, watching my pins closely...
Going back to 'him', he motivated me, telling me to slow down and analyze my moves. I just smiled. I spare balled. After my turn it was his, and I peeked as I read the book I am reading. I stared at his back. His blue and white shirt appeals to me. I like him a lot. And it breaks me slowly. The more that I know I'm definitely attracted to him, the more I get hurt inside.
This is not happening!
Yuji strikes. I cheered. We all cheered. Thus, Yuji's angels were formed.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
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