Okay, B, kung mabasa mo man to ay alam mo kung sino ka. Ba... hehe. Di ko na sasabihin, and if ever na magreact ka mas magiging obvious na guilty ka (Nyahaha!). Anyways, since kanina mo pa ko ginising sa mga banat mo ngayong gabi e nainspire rin akong dagdagan ang ever honest Multiply blog ko-- this one kasi has a few masking techniques and kulang nalang talaga na banggitin ko yung names ng mga guys involved dito sa posts ko (they are quite a lot). Bago ko tapusin tong blog post or rather bago ko icontinue, let me clear na yung inspiration ay GALING SA SINULAT NI B and not directly coming from B himself. Oh, hehe baka lagyan ng malisya to. I repeat, hindi ako nainspire dahil kay B as a person (but I'm not telling you all na hindi kainspire-inspire si B. Inspiring kaya ang mga storya ng Fness nya. Oops. I'm telling too much na). Anyways, pinahanga na nga nya ko sa sinulat nya (hands down na) and so I will write my utmost feelings and girly annoyance sentiments na nais kong ipahatid (kundi man directly e indirectly) sa isang taong inakala kong ayun na nga pero in the end, narealize kong wag na nga.
In layman's terms and not in my weird wordplays, I was disappointed. Not by that person, but by the way my reactions go with his actions. Mas malayo, right? Anyway, let me relay this para finally this won't bug me and make me sleep. I will also be posting this in my FS Blog for public discernment (yes, I know, wala talagang paki ang tao sa Multiply ko).
This started way back in February. Midmonth. Sometime before the LR3: BTF (again, let me quote that acronym from B). Let me just tell this in a shortcut manner kasi whenever I try to put this into clearer sentences and phrases, I feel this eerie feeling in my chest. I myself can't understand it. So to protect the two people involved, I won't be mentioning their names (I don't exactly know the other naman eh) nor mention anything that people related or knowing them will easily understand.
Here's how it goes: I was so blinded by someone's PREEMPTIVE DENIALS and so I believed it by about 78% already. Yes, I was so close to giving up everything, every single thing I hold since January of this year. I also planned to fully believe this someone, not until there was a mistake I DID: Guess what, I found out something I shouldn't have. Shouldn't have, meaning MUST NOT also. Shouldn't have because it PROBABLY WOULD and REALLY did make me feel something bad. Something is in the pit of my stomach. And it reacts very badly as time goes by... I managed not to be in the super intriga mode and let it be, because I still had this 78% remaining that time, which lowered to 69.
Days passed by and I was introduced to Facebook apps and the like. I loved it. I became part of almost everything in it. And so was Plurk, I became enslaved to it. So was that someone. And so I browsed timelines and the like. I didn't like what I read. I closed the lid. Okay. So that was something. Something I DID EXPECT, but not at the moment when everything seems smooth. So I tried to procrastinate from the devil me. But still, the bitch inside of me won't let go of it. I tried not minding it by removing it from my Plurk timeline. Didn't work for me. And so, it followed that the earlier incident makes sense. After some time, the timeline was gone. It was also gone in my system. I let it go. I forgot... BUT NOT FOR A LONG TIME.
Just recently, I ran across something in FB that I don't know why I did. Okay, that was malabo, pero I won't clarify to protect identities. Anyway, I was disgusted. My hunches and all the gut feelings made sense again. Ooh. A little of that word. Anyway, I looked it up, and alright I said to myself. This would be another blow. It obviously lowered to 20%. And after some SMS, it decreased more. -49%. Haha. That's interesting. I kinda suggested it anyway. But then denials came by. Flashback. There was also the preemptive one. And so it goes, it happened. What can I do? I was right, but of course it wasn't that sure and accurate. I checked all things and still I can't get away with it. The SMS thingies made my mind turn something like 360 degrees. I would want to forget it. But then, look at me now. I'm back as an insomniac.
The worst thing?
I am back, writing specific implied nonsense for those who do not understand and not related, and simply nothing to those who are not ME. Okay, so this is so confusing. I intentionally did that, and also quite unintentionally, because my mind is as obscure as my OUTPUT: This blogpost. I end this post saying, don't believe even the person that is supposed to be your confidante, and trust your feelings. With feelings, forget the lovey lovey part, and make sure it's the gut one. It works a lot, although it misleads more. Just be like Conan and assure yourself that "Shinjitsu wa itsumo hitotsu!": THERE IS ONLY ONE TRUTH!
Whether the truth is contrary to what I will hear from someone, I don't mind anymore. Still, I stick to my wrong beliefs and jumped at conclusions-- those without ACTUAL are by far more real to me, especially when they have IMPLIED evidences. Weird. Weird. Never mind.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
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