Valentine's Date

I really had an awesome time at our "Staycation" slash R&R at Tagaytay Wingate Manor for our 2013 Valentine's Day date :) We had so much "couple time" as we went there without our eldest son. There are many vacationists there, too. Some are families of 3 also which made us miss our son Jethro. But then we thought we are not just two people, we have our younger son inside my body with us :D

We also had a recall of our previous Valentine's dates throughout the years of us being a couple. Our first thing was 2006, he gave me a blue rose-- something we thought of when we just watched My Sassy Girl in 2005. We had this idea that instead of a red rose, I'd prefer a blue one if I someone would give me. We weren't together yet during that time, but he never forgot about it. So for our first Valentine's day together he gave me a blue rose stalk from Holland Tulips. At first he thought I was joking when I said there's a blue one, and I proved him wrong :) Together with the blue rose are some items from his mom: a blue blouse with a blue flower design, a blue journal/diary (which started my blue diaries tradition) and all are located inside a blue paper bag. He went home with me to meet with my parents and have lunch. We also had our first kiss XD

The next Valentine's for 2007, he gave me another blue rose, this time with a movie date in Robinsons Galleria. He picked me up from UP Diliman's Main Library after my Chemistry class. He was standing there in the steps with the rose. I felt so happy of course :) I liked the gesture and the flower, too :) Together with that rose is yet another gift from his mom--a box of Ferrero Rocher chocolates (the biggest box) sent to our house the next day.


Those roses were treasured and kept for years-- until we cleaned my old closet I had to throw the roses out (they're already dry and brown haha).

On 2008, which I found difficult to remember of all our Valentine's dates, was held in Robinson's Galleria. It's one of the usual Teriyaki Boy dates with two movies (yes, during our younger days we would watch at least two movies in one date. We would sometimes go for three, depending on the movie titles. We watched two films, Spiderwick Chronicles and Jumper. There were no roses this time, just the movies cost him as much as the roses so it's fine with me. We would go to Timezone and play games while waiting for the next film. And yes, I had to look this up in my journal (written one).

2009 was one of our most unforgettable Valentine's date. We attended the February 13 UP Fair Event called Loverage 3: Break the Curse. However, in a series of unfortunate events that led to violence. Anyway, we did not spend the day itself together as he went to an out of town trip with our HS classmates (whom I didn't like). I was actually very sad because for the first time, we didn't spend Vday for a whole day. 

2010 is the WORST Valentines day for me because we didn't meet at all. He prioritized school and he did not even give me a present. His mom at least gave me a chocolate box (Ferrero). Anyway, I was also pregnant and I wasn't that attractive or something. We often get into fights because of his behavior regarding my pregnancy and towards me. 

Moving on, 2011 was great as we spent the night at my in-laws' condo unit at Serendra. His mom gave me a teddy bear we called "V-Bear"  (short for Valentine's Bear) and chocolates (she's really thoughtful). I cooked for him and we had a nice dinner made by me :P

This year is probably the most unforgettable, and I would want to spend all my Valentine's day with him in the future :)

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www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: family, Past, Romance, travel, vacation

Bokura ga Ita and My High School Romance

I remember I wrote something about Bokura ga Ita as an anime many years ago. I started watching it in 2008 but ended up finishing it only in 2012. :) I usually finish anime right after downloading it. I don't know why I didn't want to finish watching it. Probably because I'm scared of a sad ending-- as it mirrors my relationship with my first (and last) boyfriend. But, it turns out, after all the drama is a very happy ending (as  I read the manga). Now, just as I finished reading the manga online, a movie was released as live action of the story. 

Since I wasn't able to post screenshots for my Bokura Ita-ed post from 2008, I will finally do with the movie I watched-- Bokura ga Ita 1 or Bokura ga Ita: Zenpen. The movie has a part 2, Bokura ga Ita: Kouhen, which has the parts in the manga that were not aired on anime.

And, because it's almost the "Love Month"and I'm feeling loved more than ever, let me also share a story about my continuing love life. :D

Definitely sweet "strolls" in campus :) As a part of a high school couple, me and my hubby shared the same scenes inside our school building. It was prohibited to have a romantic relationship--but we kept it good for a couple of months. 

We also often go on movies after class or after Periodical Tests.  :) 

We also held hands like this! :D

I wrote so many posts in my blog about my relationship with my then boyfriend, now hubby. From 2005, I even had this post about their house :D During this time, we weren't yet together. I never would have thought we'd end up together, as he was currently courting openly a dance troupe member who one of our classmates. During that time, I admit I was average-looking and I don't even bother doing kikay stuff. I never wore anything on my face except that daily face powder and petroleum jelly (my lips would often chap and I'm no fan of Chapstick). My hair is poorly combed once daily--after bath, and no retouches. I'm so plain that I wouldn't believe some guys from my previous classes really dig me (oh yes, I've had a fair share of suitors too even with that look!). I haven't really put our love story into writing so here it goes:

I was a geek, he was a gamer. We both came from different worlds. I never thought we'd share a relationship so great that I only had one boyfriend for the last 5 years. I came from a Protestant family and it did not really make sense if I enter a Catholic school. But I insisted on leaving my ex-school, a Christian school, because of some issues. We never met on campus during those times except for one connection we sure thought was "destiny". I was a straight-A student back in 2003, and I was selected for a Mathematics special class for students. Together with the other best students from other classes, we would study advanced maths on weekends on a random classroom in the high school building. The cozy room selected by our teacher is a blue classroom from the 2nd floor. I looked around and selected a seat.  Something caught my eye--a full-page printout of Final Fantasy VIII with Rinoa Heartily's angelic face. I am a fan of Final Fantasy during that time and I am pretty amazed on the seat cover of that chair. The plastic cover was neatly arranged, and in comparison to my Shaman King (anime) themed seat cover, it was awesome. I sat on that seat for the rest of the MTAP program, and little did I know, that seat was my future husband's. :)

Anyway, (going to the part where we met) we became classmates 2 years after. He was one of the most popular guys who hosted soirees in their house. Our classmates, actually one clique with the most number of people, usually hang out in their village and swam at their clubhouse. I was the leader of another clique of unpopular kids, my friends who also liked anime and are single. I never really liked him because he's a little aloof, and also I didn't like the people he hung out with. I got to talk to him for only a few times personally. One was when he asked for my mobile number because of a review class for ACET. We studied in the same review center, AHEAD Galleria, but we never met due to the schedule difference. And the other time was when my 3rd year classmate introduced to me her "crush", showing a prom photo of a guy who did look familiar on the AHEAD UPCAT refresher. And that was him, who casually said hi to us before he sat down somewhere. Honestly, I didn't find him that attractive, until I really got to talk to him.

During the 2nd quarter of the school year, our class organized a play entitled "The Dancers". I wasn't really assigned to do some acting, and I volunteered to just direct the background music and other sounds and lights. He was one of the main cast, and he was quite active with class activities. That's when he first caught my eye. During rehearsals, he's very friendly and kind. And then later on, we became text mates. He actually got my number for the review, but then he started acting friendly with texts and good morning greets. We talked about our entrance tests and mostly stuff about school. I realized that my girl friends liked him-- they were attracted to him since the beginning of classes. That probably got my attention too. I really felt as if we just shared him as a crush and I was influenced.

We learned after retreat that he was courting our classmate. It was heartbreaking, at least for us girls who liked him. And we said, oh it's time to move on and have another crush--a classmate who looks cool. Anyway, he had the greatest proposal for our classmate. He gave her a very large teddy bear and a boquet of flowers, plus a sweet letter in a card asking her to be his girl. I was devastated when I saw it in our classroom, I didn't mind of course I had no right. But later on, we learned that our classmate didn't answer back to his feelings but wrote him a letter, saying "You'll find the right person for you in no time". And it was me :)). (He shared this letter to me on 2007, he pasted it on our "diary").

Around October, we were really constantly checking out on each other thru SMS. One rehearsal night, our class planned to attend mass together as it was required for religion class. Most of our classmates backed out suddenly. To my surprise, he invited me since I was the only one who wanted to go, too. We went together and I was really happy. I already had a crush on him since September, and with the Ama Namin, I sort of scored my first hold hands with him. I was ecstatic when I came back home, and we also started to share about a lot of stuff in our life and all other random things. He asked about my hobbies, my favorite food and TV shows. He made a hasty comment on how cute I was, and I was thrilled. And during that time, we already exchanged our Yahoo! Messenger accounts. Around late October, I went to his house for the first time. My yaya, Ate Marites, really encouraged me to pursue my feelings.

October came to an end with a blast because we went out and watched a movie. This was My Sassy Girl: Tagalog Dubbed version. Much to my delight, he treated me to another movie which I chose-- Vic Sotto's Ispiritista: Itay, May Moomoo!. He even treated my yaya for the second movie when she came to Robinsons to pick me up after our movie. I did not tell my mom I was going out with him and I told him I was with my best friend. Anyway, he also went grocery shopping with me as my mother had me do some errands. He was the perfect gentleman during our "gala". We did not call it a date, of course.

November came and it was my birth month. It was indeed, my month. We often chatted for hours in YM, and we never talk in school. The rumor of our movie watching scattered like wildfire in our classroom. Many of our classmates from his clique asked me if it was real. My friends were cheering on me about the progress of our relationship. We were never really friends to begin with. Of course, people in our class were all shocked to learn that we had a budding relationship. As I've said, we never talked in person. It just happened online and via SMS. We still continued our hidden friendship, and sometimes he would hang out with me and my clique during lunch breaks and when we make our Rosary project. One time, we talked about the Tagalog version of My Sassy Girl's theme song, "I believe" sung by Jimmy Bondoc. We already exchanged mp3s of Numa Numa and I shared this with him. I challenged him to do something for me when we chatted one night-- sing to me the Tagalog version.

I pestered him one day in the classroom, and to my surprise on November 19 he called me at night. Before that, we went to a birthday party of my friend and our classmate in Taguig. Together with my BFF Carlos, we rode the jeep from Simbahan to Taguig. I was surprised he joined us as he was just randomly invited by my friend. And we had a blast during the party. We would sit together, though we aren't talking much. Going back to the night of November 19, he said on the phone that he was ready to sing after I sent him the lyrics online. He really did it for me. :) I was so thrilled as I listen to his singing voice (not the best, but tolerable). He only sang the chorus part and I was awed. How could I have made him do that? My friends bet that he must've already liked me.

Of course I did not believe as he still was probably enamoured to our classmate he previously courted. They still hang out after class on his house together with their clique. But 6 days later, it was proved that he actually likes me back. It all started with an SMS joke if we were to have a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, what would our "monthsary" be. He eagerly answered that it would definitely be "25" or "26" because it's approaching midnight. I was stunned by his response. I just replied, "Okay 25 it is". The next morning, it was official. He still greeted me with the same good morning style of text, we still talked as if nothing happened. Not until we went to class the next morning. That made it official. Our friends asked him about it and he confirmed it by mouth. We actually hid the relationship as it was not allowed by the school and my mom would not be happy about it.

We went on our first date on the 28th as a couple and watched our first movie date, Chicken Little. And yes, the rest is history! A month after (2006), I met his family on his 17th birthday, we had our first "monthsary" dinner date at Max's Pasig Simbahan (which is now gone), our mothers met during card distribution (his mom, my MIL, said I was his inspiration that his grades are higher-- he became part of the top 10 with me), our families met during family day and so on...

Almost 8 years had passed and we will have our 3rd wedding anniversary soon. I still have the hots for this man (oh yes, he's a full-grown man now haha) and he does have for me too (I'm feeling so much confidence) :P

Here are some of our photos from 2005-present.

our first couple photo together! taken in late 2005 at Market! Market!. we used to go to studios and get our photos taken many times a year :) that was the time when smartphones aren't popular and phone cams are bad.

Taken in 2006 at our family living room, he spent Christmas Day with us. he sported a long hair during that time :))

2007 photo taken at a studio in Robinsons Galleria. I really was addicted to K-culture (thus the fingers lol). 

Photo taken at a studio in Robinsons Galleria around 2008. his hair grew long again after the shorter haircut in 2007.

One photo taken again in our living room in 2009. My mom took this photo as usual. This was summer period, before we had our baby :) 

2010 photo is something from our wedding album. Taken by my sister-in-law during our reception at Bistro Mateo, Frontera Verde :D

Selca from 2011, when we went clubbing at 7th high for their school party. Oh yes, that's our first time inside a club. Haha.

2012 photo taken by my sister-in-law again during our short trip to Singapore. :D

Photo taken by my mom for 2013 during our trip in Shenzhen, China. Now, we don't have the couple photos that much because we're a growing family now. :)

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www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: Anime, Film, history, Old Stuff, Past

Belofied: Power Peel Experience

Before I talk about my Belo experience, I want to share my experiences with skincare throughout the years (before I wanted to spend this much, actually).

My Dermatological Background and History

I have been to dozens of dermatological clinics since my Elementary school days. My parents would constantly consult with a dermatologist regarding my Atopic Dermatitis, sometimes commonly called "Skin Asthma". I've toured several doctors in The Medical City and have about 5 doctors give me different creams and telling me to use Physiogel Cream and Dove without scent, only for my condition to go back everytime the weather is changing. So, I just quit treating my skin problems and focused on my face.

When I started high school, I did not get breakouts right away. It actually started when I was 3rd year in high school. I always slept late when I already had an internet connection-- one which was a dial-up and reloadable (I was a college freshman when we had a DSL Line coming from a dial-up connection for almost 3 years). So I would patiently wait for my anime music downloads to finish before I could sleep. Thus, the breakouts.

And so, again, with the help of our Medocare healthcard I was able to consult with Dermatologists around The Medical City together with my Atopic Dermatitis and my facial problems. Normally, the health card would not cover the "aesthetic" consultations like that, but the doctors were kind enough to include it with my skin problems. So for my face, I used several gels to dry up my emerging pimples, toners for my oily skin, and a special soap for my sensitive skin. All formulated by the different Dermatologists I've visited for several years and all meds for skin. My father diligently paid for it and took me to follow-up check-ups. He would often tell me that once, when he was a teenager, he had to battle with pimples and he had no money before so he ended up with craters on his face. He said that he wouldn't want me to experience the same, and as his only daughter he would do his best to keep my skin okay. I am so happy with the support he gave me (though my mom thinks it was too much since I was in high school during that time).

So, my face was as clear as it was until I went to college. It was so much stress with the academics stuff and I have to return to The Medical City again for the same things. Although, during that time I haven't tried doing the facial treatments. 

C and Diamond Peels at Stella Maris

If you refer to this post I made on March 2009, my very good friend Carlos treated me to his favorite derma clinic in Stella Maris, Pasig City. That was actually my FIRST experience for a full-blown facial with treatment. It was his treat and of course, I enjoyed it. I never thought pricking would be that hurtful for me to cry. Although I did not buy the follow-up meds nor came back for a treatment, I thought it was an instant boost to my facial features. (Thanks again, C, for introducing it to me).

Getting Pregnant and Breakouts

On my 19th year of existence in this world, I became pregnant. The first few weeks of pregnancy were bliss-- I had this sort of glow where I didn't have pimples and my skin looks so bright. But, came January 2010 when I started growing pimples on my face one by one. The bad news is, when I went to my usual Dermatologists at TMC, they wouldn't give me the usual meds. Of course, there would be effects to my baby so I only was stuck using the "lower dose" gels. I wouldn't get the usual antibacterial medicine for my large breakouts. During the last few months of my pregnancy, I really had large pimples and scars like there was no tomorrow. I got depressed and I felt so ugly. 

After I gave birth and I was over the breastfeeding, my father died also and so I was stripped of healthcard privileges. I also started using over-the-counter creams like Pond's and Olay. I had to try the Pond's Day and Night cream, but it made my breakouts worse. Olay did the same and so I had to worry more. I came back to school with a not-so-clear face though I boosted my image with a new Digiperm from Beauty Brick and Mr. Shin. For my skin, I simply used St. Ive's Apricot Scrub to at least brighten my skin somehow (and exfoliate it). I even tried using the nose packs and buying other supermarket items.

Going on Facials and Lots of Derma Clinics After Pregnancy

I became more conscious with my looks especially after I got married. Of course, I'd like to keep the interest of my husband with me. So here is a chronicle of all clinics I've been to and a little review of each one (if I remember of course, this was from 2 years ago).

1. Dermalite- Stella Maris Maybunga, Pasig- as mentioned in a 2009 post, this was the first derma clinic I've tried in my life. After giving birth, it was also the first clinic I run to for my bad breakouts. I had to buy a promo for their Diamond Peel and come back every two weeks. However, I had a problem with their pricking. I got more scars than I wanted, and so they advised me or rather gave me a chemical peel-- Glycolic peel to be exact. When I had that treatment, unfortunately I withdrew my half of the treatments and never came back to their clinic as there were no improvements with my face. :(
   
   
2. Slimmers World- SM Megamall- I was a regular gym member on Slimmers World around late 2010 until early 2011. I worked out together with my husband around 5 months after I gave birth. I had to try their free Diamond Peel. It was fast, without cleaning and all so I did not enjoy it. Although as of 2012, my sister-in-law gave me the rest of her treatments as she was too busy to go at SM Megamall. As of now I haven't claimed my 5 treatments care of Ate Lulu.
   
   
3. Imperial Dermatology, Ortigas Ave.- I checked several forums like PinoyExchange and GT as I was in search of an affordable clinic near my area. After so many reviews I saw online, I gotta try the Spanish Peel of Dr. Mike Chua. What I loved about this clinic is his checkup first and also the discount (as I'm a GirlTalk member). I treated my husband to several visits and Power Peels too. I liked the fact that I could use my credit card for transactions. His meds are also cheaper than the TMC doctors. He also does the pricking and the treatment himself so you can assure yourself that it would not be horrible as regular unexperienced aestheticians would. However, due to the difficult parking at Ortigas, I had to quit going when my skin went A-OK.
   
   
4. Let's Face It- Robinsons Galleria- I was desperate for a facial treatment late 2011 and then I suddenly had the urge to buy a Diamond Peel promo. Unfortunately, I only claimed 2 sessions out of the 3 sessions I already paid. I wasn't happy with the treatment when I changed aestheticians. I also had scars which were not removed before the next treatment. And yes, I did not come back for the 3rd treatment I availed.
   
   
5. SkinStation- Timog Ave., Quezon City- This was the longest and the most number of pesos spent in a clinic. I bought lots of packages here: 6 Diamond Peel plus Hyal C Whitening treatment sessions, 5 Underarm laser hair removal sessions, 6 Underarm whitening treatment sessions, and only recently, 2 years unlimited Underarm laser hair removal (which, I won't be able to use cos I'm currently preggers). My mom also bought lots of treatments and products here. She also had her warts removal done. My husband had massages and facials too. In short, we spent an awful lot of time here. To date, my mom has still 1 Diamond Peel plus Hyal C Whitening facial left. We weren't really solved with the treatments, but still their service is really good.

Finally, the Belo Experience...

Belo Medical Group RX by Dr. Carlo Lozada.
Prescription for a preggy woman like me.
Plain Cleansing and Powerpeel only, to be done 2 times a week
Plus two products TOG (Tincture of Green) Soap
and Pore Minimizer.

I have been always looking at the Belo SM Megamall branch. I was always curious how it would feel to experience their more expensive services. And so as I was, again, browsing the forum GT, I read lots of raves especially with the aesthetician Naz. I had my first appointment last October. My doctor was Dr. Carlo Lozada, and I googled him and he was mentioned to have handsome looks (oh yes, it was indeed true) and nice personality. I of course filled out the patient form before the check-up (the check-up fee is waived when you avail of the treatments, but it is a mandatory step). So after assessing my face and read a short interview, he prescribed what pregnant women could only have. The plain cleansing and Powerpeel. 

My first aesthetician was Yna, she was also nice however I had several bleeding scars as soon as I got out of the clinic (and I never had the cream before leaving compared to the next visit). During my October visit, there was a Powerpeel promo. Price drop from 2800 to 2016 pesos. I enjoyed the discount only once cos when I came back for my November visit (I couldn't do the prescribed every two weeks cos I don't have much moolah) the price came back to the original one. But, I was able to snag a schedule with Naz-- the sought after aesthetician at SM Megamall Atrium branch. She was really chatty and I felt comfortable instantly. She had extracted lotsa things from my face and I did not have bleeding. Her process was really comfy and she did not hurt me as much as others did. It was the best visit ever (so far). 

My face was really (and literally) glowing after the treatment. All the dead skins are gone as I see it. If only I had more money to spare, I would really follow the twice weekly thing. The Tincture of Green soap is really nice (although it hurts the eyes) and the toner really dries up the pimples fast. Just yesterday, she texted me and I gladly scheduled another appointment. She really knows how to get to clients. I would enjoy having another treatment with her this coming December, before I fly to Hong Kong :D And I promise, when I give birth and finished my breastfeeding duties, I would have other treatments and get myself an Obagi set. :)

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www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: beauty, Current Affairs, Mall, Old Stuff, Past

Using Windows Live Writer Again

So recently I just finally moved my entire Wordpress and Friendster blogs into my Blogger account just because my friends use Blogger. By the way, the smiley faces on Blogger are actually kinda creepy-- they appear while typing and they’re inside a white box. When I started blogging again in Friendster, I was using this program from Windows, the Live Writer. Editing here is good and the layout would be nice (plus it has a spell check for English language).

I was rereading my blog. An awful lot of things were there and it was oh-so-awesome.  I could say I’ve lived ample years of happy, flirtatious, single, teenage life before I got married. The chronological notes of how happy and depressed I was during the formidable years of my teenage life were all written there. How glad I am that there is the export your blog option. I was able to treasure a lot of memories.

I write because I love writing and not to get some money or attention. I love writing because it’s a way where I can release my stress and ease the tension, or sometimes to share some exciting moments in my life. I hate it that I almost forgot doing this because of some circumstances during 2010, but now I’m back for good and I’m going to fill up my new blog home with lots of memories from this year 2011 till the next decade.

From my first blog post in 2005, I was able to publish hundreds of posts. All of them are meaningful. Some posts talk about the first time I went to the Garcia Residence at San Joaquin (later on would be my husband’s home), activities during my college life, my get-together with childhood friends (now my child’s ninongs and ninangs) and a lot more that would make me feel good about the past. I would like to share some other things like depressing, sad ones so I’m creating a new label called angst.

This would compile all of the posts I had from Live Journal, Friendster, Windows Live Spaces and Wordpress. Can’t wait to add them all up!

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www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: Past, Weblogs

I’m Getting Hitched. For Real.

It was just like yesterday when I thought of ending my 4-year long relationship with my first boyfriend. It was chaotic. Maybe I was some sort of a confused individual that time, or something like that, and he was a depressed person who needed attention. I just felt like quitting of course with a lot of things alongside it, and he just felt like ending his life because of the so-called breakup, if it was true back then. Whichever the reason was, I couldn’t actually point my finger on it. That event was filled with drama, foolishness, and bitterness; I had to think rationally and dump some logic behind. That, however, might have been the main cause why things turned this way.

And now, almost 8 months later, we’re about to get married and have a baby. My life did a fast-forward on that and made a pause on my academic life, and probably a stop on my social life. Was I too reckless it ended up like this? I can’t help but look back at what I have been doing: which part did this mess originated from? Was it  during high school when I got involved with him or the time I decided to leave PCA and move to another school where I had met him? Or maybe it was the time when I’ve let my guard off and had things done his way? I can’t tell exactly. It’s just either it was originally from my past actions that sequentially led me to this or it’s because of my lack of common sense as the years pass by.

I still feel bad about everything that I really like blaming him for all of these (which is obviously wrong since I took part doing the sin somehow). The thing is, I won’t be able to do what a normal 20-year old girl would from this point on—party, hang-out with friends till dawn, attend multiple sleepovers, boy hunting with girl friends, and so on. Plus, I didn’t get the chance to have another 2 or more boyfriends. I was stuck with one from the beginning, and I wouldn’t know what it feels like to have a break-up for real (I believe what we had was fake). I won’t get the chance to mingle with singles and enjoy what my friends are enjoying right now.

Most of all, I had ruined my college education. I’d be delayed for another year, which is quite a long time before I graduate from the university.

I know it’s too late for me to regret everything since I have already made a decision about this thing called marriage. It didn’t take me a long time to think about it—did I have a choice that time? Probably yes, I could have just pondered on it many, countless times and decide on it according to what suits me best. I didn’t have that thinking though, because I was pressured and all by everyone in my family. It’s yet another case of an early marriage in our clan, and the solution is to get married. Good thing I didn’t have to prod and push him to marry me. Besides, it was him who had thought of that idea even before I got pregnant. The difference is that he had planned it after my 21st birthday.

I wonder if I’m actually doing the right thing. A couple of my friends had asked me if I was ready and sure about this. I didn’t have much reason to hesitate. I don’t really know which path I’m going at the first place, with or without this incident. So maybe this is the right thing to do. But still, I’m pessimistic about it, as usual. It’s clearly not a fairytale ending for me.

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www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: Current Affairs, family, Past, Romance

After 2 years…!

I finally found the ENGLISH Translation for Suki Dakara, my phenomenal theme song for the year 2008. Thanks to http://namiichan.wordpress.com, I finally have it. This song is sooooo memorable for me because it was especially dedicated for a certain someone last 2008. During those times, I thought this song would be the right one for you even though I barely knew the English meaning. :) To *****, Stay happy and successful! This one’s for you, though I’m finally over you…

 

See you later, we waved our hands
the figure of your back is already like that,
swaying, it becomes small in the evening wave of people

The words you gave me, one by one
remembering them, I closed my eyes
even though only the happy thoughts should be here
I become uneasy, I wonder why my heart quivers

I want to tell you more, these feelings overflowing like that
because I love you, because I love you
because I absolutely love you

Turning around and running off
I want to go and chase after you but
the loneliness of evening swallowed that kind of courage

Within your smiling face, I am there
just a little bit separated
it’s like I’ve become a lost child, about to cry
if I were docile, I could live even without these kind of feelings

Only an empty me exists here, crying out
because I love you, because I love you
because I absolutely love you

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www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: Anime, Implied Post, Past, Romance

Clean Slate?

Kung babalikan ko ang mga naganap sa buhay ko nung nakaraang apat na taon, masasabi kong malaki nga rin ang naging pagkukulang ko. Pwede ring ako rin pala ay may kailangang pagbayaran at “ganti” lang din ang mga naganap last year. Pero nang dahil sa pride ko, hindi ko pa rin matanggap na maaari ngang ang insecurities ko ang may kagagawan sa dinaranas kong kung ano man ito.

Maganda ang kahulugan ng idiom na may kinalaman sa title ng blog post kong ito. Clean slate. Start anew, walang prejudice, hindi na iisipin ang nakaraan. Kung gaano man kaganda ang intensyon mo ay ganoon din kahirap gawin iyon. Hindi rin madalian kung magkakalimutan man ang pag-uusapan, lalo na sa katulad kong matalas ang memorya para sa mga karumal-dumal na bagay.

Hyperbole na kung hyperbole, pero maaari kong i-classify na krimen ang mga naganap last year. Siguro kung ita-tally ko ang akin at ang kanya e mas madami ang sticks nung sakin. Kaya lang, pag naiisip ko naman yung sa kanya at lulutang ang pagkaparanoid ko e wala nang mararating ang mga guilt trip ko pag gabi. Bigla nanaman akong matutuliro sa kaiisip ng mga kung anu-anong mga bagay. Minsan nga hindi ko nalang iniintindi, pero pag nag-umpisa na yan, heto na at babalik ang nakaraan.

Iyon din kaya ang gumugulo sa kanya?

Hindi ko iniintindi kung ano kasi ang pakiramdam nya. Oo, inaamin kong insensitive ako at magaling din sa accusations. Hindi rin ako open sa mga saloobin ko kaya nakikimkim ang kung anong ideas pagkatapos e ipapakita ko nalang ang aking grudges. Tapos ito namang isa walang clue (o posible ring alam nya pero hindi niya dinederetso). Sa tingin ko naman dapat sa ngayon ay wala na rin kaming pag-aalinlangan sa isa’t-isa. Hindi magtatagal wala na kaming magagawa kundi unawain ang mga ka-weirdohan at tanggapin iyon nang maluwag.

Sana lang ganyan palagi ang naiisip ko. Pwede rin naman kasing hindi nalang talaga pansinin ang mga ganito’t-ganyan. Kaso, iba pa rin naman ang obvious at ang kakaibang kutob. Magulo lang talaga. Pwede ko ring sisihin ang kalagayan ko ngayon, pero hindi na pwede sigurong sisihin ang mood swings kasi lakpas na ko sa bahaging iyon. Siguro yung “hormonal” na lang, pasado pa. Dapat siguro pinag-iisipan ko talaga ang mga sinasabi ko. Kasi naman pag joke, minsan sabi ko “half-meant” or hindi ko nasasabi na “joke lang,”. Sana EWAN nalang ang sagot sa lahat ng tanong tapos bahala na kung totoo o hindi, with no hard feelings.

Kailan kaya ako makakapag-isip nang matino tungkol dito? Feeling ko kasi maiksing oras na lang ang natitira para sa conclusion.

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Hatred. A Must-Read For Someone.

Nothing pushed me to write on my blog the last month since I was pretty fine back then. But now, I had more reasons to write up rants that’s why this post evolved. I was to sleep with the normal 10 PM by bed routine for the past week, but the devil knows I really wanted to spill all my hatred for someone right now. I have been talking about this with my closest guyfriends, but I’d rather not tell them anything right now because they might be thinking of other bothersome things as of this moment that I might ruin their current modes. Oh well, never had I felt this much anger for myself than now. I really thought that things could go smoothly, not until now.

I didn’t intend to do this blog post again to be read by anyone since I write with my whim. Oh yeah. That’s what a blog really is. Screw the grammar this time. So let me tell the story on why I exactly hate someone from the very beginning.

Back in senior year of high school I thought things were pretty normal with all the couple-y stuff I’ve been involved in. Not until perverse things began and got me thinking when should be the right age to discuss rather disgusting things with a member of the opposite gender. Yeah, since it was inevitable those stuffs began from the simplest to the quite disturbing for that period. It didn’t end so good for that person since I got wily then mad before, during and after graduation. I didn’t quite get the transition to college first and so on. But that period passed, since the good quite showed from him although I still blame him for what had happened to me. Anyway, college came in a blast with me still clueless on stuff then we began being totally in to some things as lightly as first then comes 2007 and there goes specific events before it (duh the order) and then I found myself agreeing to it. Oh right. I usually do something first before blah blah blah. Yeah, he was persistent, and I knew he really was. He told me so.

And so the vicious cycle continued, with me realizing the intent for this and that was growing with regards to this person. I tried avoiding it in all costs, but who am I to completely guard myself? I’m no saint nor a control freak of my own undertakings; I’m not obedient either. I just got sucked into a warp and never got out of it. What’s worse is that as the year passed, several things happened. I had them documented chronologically. The dates were as follows:

sometime in March 2008,

April 14, 2008,

June 3, 2008

December 19, 2008

January 2-3, 2009

January 9, 2009

January 17, 2009

January 26, 2009

January 30-31, 2009 and many many countless dates more.

And lo, when February 6, 2009 came, his plans of getting me into this almost everywhere to be seen red building come true. I bet it was one of the happiest days in his pathetic life. Then it was followed by February 9, 2009—up to the very present. We’d tried all other places and planned on all other things. Yea, I got caught by these bewildered words he say. Oh you know the common story of women, right? By the way I don’t know yet who must be blamed for all of these other than him. Well, he could say in defense that he was just being a guy oh for the love of the gods. That would be everyone’s reasoning. I think he really had the worst religious state ever, but that made me wonder what Catholic schools have been teaching to its students. The lewdness and the sleekness of this person must’ve reached the depths of I don’t know where. And what’s yet another bad part is that I was the usual cohort. Damn my pathetic human brain and mushy side. I know I shouldn’t have believed him too soon.

Lesson learned: none. Even though it seems that he got the worst torture from me as everybody thinks starting from last August, IT’S ALL WRONG. Females are still considered as the weaker ones, so be it. I would personally agree. I might have appeared to have the upper hand in this seemingly good relationship but really, no. I might have looked like hey I’m ok and I’m having a great time torturing, but the thing is, I was the one getting all the bad repercussions and all the worst setbacks I could ever think of. Soon, everyone will have to know on how we’d lived our life, and I’d be glad. He’s definitely not the princely whatsoever coming from the fairytale kind of guy. I was even wondering if he wasn’t as worst as the worst perverted men I know. Maybe the one who admits some things in that realm are the ones who hadn’t been doing much. But as of this Mr. I’m so innocent I look like an angel, he really had this devilish side hopefully he had unleashed with other girls (oh yes come feast with his body, I bet he’s doing all sorts of stuff to attract you more). Baah. I was even telling him sometimes as exact as I wrote here, but I believe not until he gets the REAL beating and not just the verbal jousts will he ever be disciplined.

As of now, I had no plans on doing anything but to continue the game I had started which by the way I’m about to lose. Even if he says this and that meekly and humbly like I will never do this and that, I will be this and that, I will do this and that, I will lessen this and that, look I’m doing this and that, hey now I’m more like this and that—aah right? Just keep on feeding me mushy and cheesy words and don’t forget to act as good as possible and in the end your fruits of performing will be paid by the gods of lust. I don't think this post will be getting anywhere without me addressing it to you properly, but I think I’ll have to tag you when this appears on Facebook. Oh, you’ll make a good actor. Keep on practicing. I really have no time to analyze whichever you say is right or wrong or true or false or any other question that is not open-ended because I’m so tired of them. Besides, I’ve been getting more objective exams in school so there.

But seriously, he was the best chum I’d ever had at the same time the worst. I couldn’t say anything more because he’s heard of these many times from before. After that, it’s as if he had this auto-response of the mushy stuff. It’s like a spam text message I keep on receiving every time I started reminding him on how he sucked big time. I know of his efforts, but those aren’t enough to cover the big messes up. I really don’t know how to get even this time. Man, I better think of something quick.

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Omokage- Reminiscence

Main Entry:

rem·i·nis·cence

Pronunciation:

\-ˈni-s^ən(t)s\

Function:

noun

Date:

1589

1: apprehension of a Platonic idea as if it had been known in a previous existence

2 a: recall to mind of a long-forgotten experience or fact b: the process or practice of thinking or telling about past experiences

3 a: a remembered experience b: an account of a memorable experience —often used in plural4: something so like another as to be regarded as an unconscious repetition, imitation, or survival

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/reminiscence

 

 

It’s not about that word. It’s about this song, and it has suddenly came out from reading two words from somewhere in the net: true north. The song is entitled Omokage and this was Shaman King’s second ending song. My mind has been filled by anime and anime alone for the second half of my current existence—meaning since I reached the age of 10 or 11. From that period of time, many animes dominated my existence—to the point that it became my defining ‘characteristic’ up to this time.

One of the most popular defining anime was Shaman King, the anime that started my fanfiction.net career (if that’s how we term it). It was that time when I transferred to a new school, and everything was new. Shaman King was aired and became the reason that I rush out of II-OL Rosary’s classroom every afternoon, the reason why I became close friends with Katrina and Loren, and the reason why my desk was filled with vandals of ヨウ beneath the plastic cover and all the rest of fangirlish stuffs I was in to during 2nd year high school.

I liked everything about Shaman King, although now, as I look back, it’s not really an admirable plot to begin with. It is finally plain in my sight now. The greatness about Yoh Asakura has been trampled by Uchiha Sasuke, and now, by several living guys in my age group. But what remained in my memory was this song, this one rendered by Megumi Hayashibara as Kyouyama Anna’s seiyuu:

 

Original / Romaji Lyrics
English Translation

kagami ni utsuru yokogao ni
kimi o kasanete
My heart is breaking.
surinuketeyuku kaze no you ni
tsukami kirenai
Why is it you?

at the side view of the face reflected in the mirror
I place you over it and
my heart is breaking
like the passing wind
I can't catch it
why is it you?

todoku koto no nai yubisaki
hitori ni giri shimeteru
kawasu koto no nai kotoba o
yozora no hoshi ni nagashi

the finger tips that will never reach
I hold them alone
the words that will never be exchanged are
drifted into the stars in the night sky

mou furimukanai
Ah kanashimi sae   setsunasa sae
kimi to umareta akashi
Ah tadayotteiru
kokoro no kiri no hate
I made up my mind.

I won't turn back
ah even sadness, even loneliness
is the proof that we were born
ah the flowing
end of my heart
I made up my mind

nani mo iwanai kuchibiru no
oku de kanjiru
You are my true north.
kimi no koe o kizandeiru
kotoba ijou ni
I know enough.

the lips that will never say anything
I feel it deep within
you are my true north
leaving your voice
more than words
I know enough

aishiteru to tsubuyaku yori
kitto kokoro ga yureru
koishiteru to tsutaeru yori
kizuna ga fukaku natte

instead of whispering that you love me
my heart is probably swaying
instead of saying you're in love
the relationship gets deeper

ima hitori ja nai
Ah kanashimi sae   setsunasa sae
norikoete ike sou de
Ah mune ni daita
kimi no omokage ima
I will take it there.

I'm not alone now
ah even sadness, even loneliness
seems like it can be endured
ah held it to myself
your reminiscent and now
I will take it there

mou furimukanai
Ah kanashimi sae   setsunasa sae
kimi to umareta akashi
Ah tadayotteiru
kokoro no kiri no hate
Ah kanashimi sae   setsunasa sae
norikoete ike sou de
Ah mune ni daita
kimi no omokage ima
I will take it there.

I won't turn back
ah even sadness, even loneliness
is the proof that we were born
ah the flowing
end of my heart
ah even sadness, even loneliness
seems like it can be endured
ah held it to myself
your reminiscent and now
I will take it there

Transliterated by P Whalan pdwhalan@bigpond.net.au>

Translated by mink309


http://minknokobeya.wordpress.com/

 

It wasn’t for the tune that I was hooked in this song, but at the time I was writing Shaman King fanfics, I somewhat associated this song to Kyouyama Anna. If there was one female anime character I could closely relate myself with, it must be her (besides Tsukamoto Tenma).

Since Shaman King wave has long gone and I’ve parted ways with the “addicts” we were before, it might seem easier to forget this. But still, the melody lingers in my head as if it was only now that I’m hearing it for the first time.

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