Valentine's Date

I really had an awesome time at our "Staycation" slash R&R at Tagaytay Wingate Manor for our 2013 Valentine's Day date :) We had so much "couple time" as we went there without our eldest son. There are many vacationists there, too. Some are families of 3 also which made us miss our son Jethro. But then we thought we are not just two people, we have our younger son inside my body with us :D

We also had a recall of our previous Valentine's dates throughout the years of us being a couple. Our first thing was 2006, he gave me a blue rose-- something we thought of when we just watched My Sassy Girl in 2005. We had this idea that instead of a red rose, I'd prefer a blue one if I someone would give me. We weren't together yet during that time, but he never forgot about it. So for our first Valentine's day together he gave me a blue rose stalk from Holland Tulips. At first he thought I was joking when I said there's a blue one, and I proved him wrong :) Together with the blue rose are some items from his mom: a blue blouse with a blue flower design, a blue journal/diary (which started my blue diaries tradition) and all are located inside a blue paper bag. He went home with me to meet with my parents and have lunch. We also had our first kiss XD

The next Valentine's for 2007, he gave me another blue rose, this time with a movie date in Robinsons Galleria. He picked me up from UP Diliman's Main Library after my Chemistry class. He was standing there in the steps with the rose. I felt so happy of course :) I liked the gesture and the flower, too :) Together with that rose is yet another gift from his mom--a box of Ferrero Rocher chocolates (the biggest box) sent to our house the next day.


Those roses were treasured and kept for years-- until we cleaned my old closet I had to throw the roses out (they're already dry and brown haha).

On 2008, which I found difficult to remember of all our Valentine's dates, was held in Robinson's Galleria. It's one of the usual Teriyaki Boy dates with two movies (yes, during our younger days we would watch at least two movies in one date. We would sometimes go for three, depending on the movie titles. We watched two films, Spiderwick Chronicles and Jumper. There were no roses this time, just the movies cost him as much as the roses so it's fine with me. We would go to Timezone and play games while waiting for the next film. And yes, I had to look this up in my journal (written one).

2009 was one of our most unforgettable Valentine's date. We attended the February 13 UP Fair Event called Loverage 3: Break the Curse. However, in a series of unfortunate events that led to violence. Anyway, we did not spend the day itself together as he went to an out of town trip with our HS classmates (whom I didn't like). I was actually very sad because for the first time, we didn't spend Vday for a whole day. 

2010 is the WORST Valentines day for me because we didn't meet at all. He prioritized school and he did not even give me a present. His mom at least gave me a chocolate box (Ferrero). Anyway, I was also pregnant and I wasn't that attractive or something. We often get into fights because of his behavior regarding my pregnancy and towards me. 

Moving on, 2011 was great as we spent the night at my in-laws' condo unit at Serendra. His mom gave me a teddy bear we called "V-Bear"  (short for Valentine's Bear) and chocolates (she's really thoughtful). I cooked for him and we had a nice dinner made by me :P

This year is probably the most unforgettable, and I would want to spend all my Valentine's day with him in the future :)

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Overnight date + Kung Fu Panda 2

This blurry image is taken from our car on yesterday’s rainy afternoon. Me and my high school friends are supposedly spending the night at Two Serendra Section C, in my in-laws’ condo unit.

We just decided to have some quality time as a couple there and spend the night there. We watched the remaining episodes of The Simpsons Season 22 and the finale of Glee Season 2. 

It was a fun experience since it’s been a long time since we last spent the night with only the two of us. The last time was on Valentine’s Day this year and as always, I cooked dinner and he prepared it with me. It feels like that we’re back in the old days where we are still in the “girlfriend-boyfriend” relationship phase. Watching TV series on HD TV is really good

 

 

 

 

In relation to that, today we watched Kung Fu Panda 2. Here is my review for the awesome movie.

A short summary:

Poh just learned that he was adopted by his goose father (haha after so many years isn’t it obvious?). He was also trying to learn “inner peace” to do some sort of Kung Fu move. And so many revelations about his past came to the present involving a peacock that is evil named Shen.

I laughed, cried, laughed again, and cried again in this sequel. It was also way better in 3D. I give this movie a 5/5 grade. Best watched at Ayala Malls. *do not trust SM Cinema’s 3D glasses)*

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I’m Getting Hitched. For Real.

It was just like yesterday when I thought of ending my 4-year long relationship with my first boyfriend. It was chaotic. Maybe I was some sort of a confused individual that time, or something like that, and he was a depressed person who needed attention. I just felt like quitting of course with a lot of things alongside it, and he just felt like ending his life because of the so-called breakup, if it was true back then. Whichever the reason was, I couldn’t actually point my finger on it. That event was filled with drama, foolishness, and bitterness; I had to think rationally and dump some logic behind. That, however, might have been the main cause why things turned this way.

And now, almost 8 months later, we’re about to get married and have a baby. My life did a fast-forward on that and made a pause on my academic life, and probably a stop on my social life. Was I too reckless it ended up like this? I can’t help but look back at what I have been doing: which part did this mess originated from? Was it  during high school when I got involved with him or the time I decided to leave PCA and move to another school where I had met him? Or maybe it was the time when I’ve let my guard off and had things done his way? I can’t tell exactly. It’s just either it was originally from my past actions that sequentially led me to this or it’s because of my lack of common sense as the years pass by.

I still feel bad about everything that I really like blaming him for all of these (which is obviously wrong since I took part doing the sin somehow). The thing is, I won’t be able to do what a normal 20-year old girl would from this point on—party, hang-out with friends till dawn, attend multiple sleepovers, boy hunting with girl friends, and so on. Plus, I didn’t get the chance to have another 2 or more boyfriends. I was stuck with one from the beginning, and I wouldn’t know what it feels like to have a break-up for real (I believe what we had was fake). I won’t get the chance to mingle with singles and enjoy what my friends are enjoying right now.

Most of all, I had ruined my college education. I’d be delayed for another year, which is quite a long time before I graduate from the university.

I know it’s too late for me to regret everything since I have already made a decision about this thing called marriage. It didn’t take me a long time to think about it—did I have a choice that time? Probably yes, I could have just pondered on it many, countless times and decide on it according to what suits me best. I didn’t have that thinking though, because I was pressured and all by everyone in my family. It’s yet another case of an early marriage in our clan, and the solution is to get married. Good thing I didn’t have to prod and push him to marry me. Besides, it was him who had thought of that idea even before I got pregnant. The difference is that he had planned it after my 21st birthday.

I wonder if I’m actually doing the right thing. A couple of my friends had asked me if I was ready and sure about this. I didn’t have much reason to hesitate. I don’t really know which path I’m going at the first place, with or without this incident. So maybe this is the right thing to do. But still, I’m pessimistic about it, as usual. It’s clearly not a fairytale ending for me.

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After 2 years…!

I finally found the ENGLISH Translation for Suki Dakara, my phenomenal theme song for the year 2008. Thanks to http://namiichan.wordpress.com, I finally have it. This song is sooooo memorable for me because it was especially dedicated for a certain someone last 2008. During those times, I thought this song would be the right one for you even though I barely knew the English meaning. :) To *****, Stay happy and successful! This one’s for you, though I’m finally over you…

 

See you later, we waved our hands
the figure of your back is already like that,
swaying, it becomes small in the evening wave of people

The words you gave me, one by one
remembering them, I closed my eyes
even though only the happy thoughts should be here
I become uneasy, I wonder why my heart quivers

I want to tell you more, these feelings overflowing like that
because I love you, because I love you
because I absolutely love you

Turning around and running off
I want to go and chase after you but
the loneliness of evening swallowed that kind of courage

Within your smiling face, I am there
just a little bit separated
it’s like I’ve become a lost child, about to cry
if I were docile, I could live even without these kind of feelings

Only an empty me exists here, crying out
because I love you, because I love you
because I absolutely love you

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www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: Anime, Implied Post, Past, Romance

Clean Slate?

Kung babalikan ko ang mga naganap sa buhay ko nung nakaraang apat na taon, masasabi kong malaki nga rin ang naging pagkukulang ko. Pwede ring ako rin pala ay may kailangang pagbayaran at “ganti” lang din ang mga naganap last year. Pero nang dahil sa pride ko, hindi ko pa rin matanggap na maaari ngang ang insecurities ko ang may kagagawan sa dinaranas kong kung ano man ito.

Maganda ang kahulugan ng idiom na may kinalaman sa title ng blog post kong ito. Clean slate. Start anew, walang prejudice, hindi na iisipin ang nakaraan. Kung gaano man kaganda ang intensyon mo ay ganoon din kahirap gawin iyon. Hindi rin madalian kung magkakalimutan man ang pag-uusapan, lalo na sa katulad kong matalas ang memorya para sa mga karumal-dumal na bagay.

Hyperbole na kung hyperbole, pero maaari kong i-classify na krimen ang mga naganap last year. Siguro kung ita-tally ko ang akin at ang kanya e mas madami ang sticks nung sakin. Kaya lang, pag naiisip ko naman yung sa kanya at lulutang ang pagkaparanoid ko e wala nang mararating ang mga guilt trip ko pag gabi. Bigla nanaman akong matutuliro sa kaiisip ng mga kung anu-anong mga bagay. Minsan nga hindi ko nalang iniintindi, pero pag nag-umpisa na yan, heto na at babalik ang nakaraan.

Iyon din kaya ang gumugulo sa kanya?

Hindi ko iniintindi kung ano kasi ang pakiramdam nya. Oo, inaamin kong insensitive ako at magaling din sa accusations. Hindi rin ako open sa mga saloobin ko kaya nakikimkim ang kung anong ideas pagkatapos e ipapakita ko nalang ang aking grudges. Tapos ito namang isa walang clue (o posible ring alam nya pero hindi niya dinederetso). Sa tingin ko naman dapat sa ngayon ay wala na rin kaming pag-aalinlangan sa isa’t-isa. Hindi magtatagal wala na kaming magagawa kundi unawain ang mga ka-weirdohan at tanggapin iyon nang maluwag.

Sana lang ganyan palagi ang naiisip ko. Pwede rin naman kasing hindi nalang talaga pansinin ang mga ganito’t-ganyan. Kaso, iba pa rin naman ang obvious at ang kakaibang kutob. Magulo lang talaga. Pwede ko ring sisihin ang kalagayan ko ngayon, pero hindi na pwede sigurong sisihin ang mood swings kasi lakpas na ko sa bahaging iyon. Siguro yung “hormonal” na lang, pasado pa. Dapat siguro pinag-iisipan ko talaga ang mga sinasabi ko. Kasi naman pag joke, minsan sabi ko “half-meant” or hindi ko nasasabi na “joke lang,”. Sana EWAN nalang ang sagot sa lahat ng tanong tapos bahala na kung totoo o hindi, with no hard feelings.

Kailan kaya ako makakapag-isip nang matino tungkol dito? Feeling ko kasi maiksing oras na lang ang natitira para sa conclusion.

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Hatred. A Must-Read For Someone.

Nothing pushed me to write on my blog the last month since I was pretty fine back then. But now, I had more reasons to write up rants that’s why this post evolved. I was to sleep with the normal 10 PM by bed routine for the past week, but the devil knows I really wanted to spill all my hatred for someone right now. I have been talking about this with my closest guyfriends, but I’d rather not tell them anything right now because they might be thinking of other bothersome things as of this moment that I might ruin their current modes. Oh well, never had I felt this much anger for myself than now. I really thought that things could go smoothly, not until now.

I didn’t intend to do this blog post again to be read by anyone since I write with my whim. Oh yeah. That’s what a blog really is. Screw the grammar this time. So let me tell the story on why I exactly hate someone from the very beginning.

Back in senior year of high school I thought things were pretty normal with all the couple-y stuff I’ve been involved in. Not until perverse things began and got me thinking when should be the right age to discuss rather disgusting things with a member of the opposite gender. Yeah, since it was inevitable those stuffs began from the simplest to the quite disturbing for that period. It didn’t end so good for that person since I got wily then mad before, during and after graduation. I didn’t quite get the transition to college first and so on. But that period passed, since the good quite showed from him although I still blame him for what had happened to me. Anyway, college came in a blast with me still clueless on stuff then we began being totally in to some things as lightly as first then comes 2007 and there goes specific events before it (duh the order) and then I found myself agreeing to it. Oh right. I usually do something first before blah blah blah. Yeah, he was persistent, and I knew he really was. He told me so.

And so the vicious cycle continued, with me realizing the intent for this and that was growing with regards to this person. I tried avoiding it in all costs, but who am I to completely guard myself? I’m no saint nor a control freak of my own undertakings; I’m not obedient either. I just got sucked into a warp and never got out of it. What’s worse is that as the year passed, several things happened. I had them documented chronologically. The dates were as follows:

sometime in March 2008,

April 14, 2008,

June 3, 2008

December 19, 2008

January 2-3, 2009

January 9, 2009

January 17, 2009

January 26, 2009

January 30-31, 2009 and many many countless dates more.

And lo, when February 6, 2009 came, his plans of getting me into this almost everywhere to be seen red building come true. I bet it was one of the happiest days in his pathetic life. Then it was followed by February 9, 2009—up to the very present. We’d tried all other places and planned on all other things. Yea, I got caught by these bewildered words he say. Oh you know the common story of women, right? By the way I don’t know yet who must be blamed for all of these other than him. Well, he could say in defense that he was just being a guy oh for the love of the gods. That would be everyone’s reasoning. I think he really had the worst religious state ever, but that made me wonder what Catholic schools have been teaching to its students. The lewdness and the sleekness of this person must’ve reached the depths of I don’t know where. And what’s yet another bad part is that I was the usual cohort. Damn my pathetic human brain and mushy side. I know I shouldn’t have believed him too soon.

Lesson learned: none. Even though it seems that he got the worst torture from me as everybody thinks starting from last August, IT’S ALL WRONG. Females are still considered as the weaker ones, so be it. I would personally agree. I might have appeared to have the upper hand in this seemingly good relationship but really, no. I might have looked like hey I’m ok and I’m having a great time torturing, but the thing is, I was the one getting all the bad repercussions and all the worst setbacks I could ever think of. Soon, everyone will have to know on how we’d lived our life, and I’d be glad. He’s definitely not the princely whatsoever coming from the fairytale kind of guy. I was even wondering if he wasn’t as worst as the worst perverted men I know. Maybe the one who admits some things in that realm are the ones who hadn’t been doing much. But as of this Mr. I’m so innocent I look like an angel, he really had this devilish side hopefully he had unleashed with other girls (oh yes come feast with his body, I bet he’s doing all sorts of stuff to attract you more). Baah. I was even telling him sometimes as exact as I wrote here, but I believe not until he gets the REAL beating and not just the verbal jousts will he ever be disciplined.

As of now, I had no plans on doing anything but to continue the game I had started which by the way I’m about to lose. Even if he says this and that meekly and humbly like I will never do this and that, I will be this and that, I will do this and that, I will lessen this and that, look I’m doing this and that, hey now I’m more like this and that—aah right? Just keep on feeding me mushy and cheesy words and don’t forget to act as good as possible and in the end your fruits of performing will be paid by the gods of lust. I don't think this post will be getting anywhere without me addressing it to you properly, but I think I’ll have to tag you when this appears on Facebook. Oh, you’ll make a good actor. Keep on practicing. I really have no time to analyze whichever you say is right or wrong or true or false or any other question that is not open-ended because I’m so tired of them. Besides, I’ve been getting more objective exams in school so there.

But seriously, he was the best chum I’d ever had at the same time the worst. I couldn’t say anything more because he’s heard of these many times from before. After that, it’s as if he had this auto-response of the mushy stuff. It’s like a spam text message I keep on receiving every time I started reminding him on how he sucked big time. I know of his efforts, but those aren’t enough to cover the big messes up. I really don’t know how to get even this time. Man, I better think of something quick.

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Destiny, Fate, Whatever.

There were times that I would just want to believe that such things exist: you know, the common chick flick endings or some plot beginners for lots of romance drama genre anime or Korean Drama. They all end up happily—the ending always becomes the first catchy coupling in the story gets to be tied by that certain bond they termed in many different ways. Yes, that includes the destiny stuff.

I know I could not rely on that from the very start of my first relationship. I would want to think of it that way, but what actually happened was I relied too much on destiny during my first years of puberty, and it just so happened that the actual relationship made me feel not to believe eventually on it. I used to be the type of girl who knows that the story of this and that has a correlation of this and that in my then life. Ah, how pathetic for me to rely on that theory that really doesn’t make sense to me right now. I mean it rarely applies, and yeah, I am open to the possibility of its application in my life.

I hated lots of instances that made me believe in destiny and that of fate. There were times something was almost there yet I didn’t grab the chance, and of course the traditional (more traditional) destiny made it either too tragic or too sappy for me and here I am ending miserably. Both of those instances get to me, and that is not the reason why I don’t want to believe in destiny. It is because when it seems to have locked you in place in preparation of what’s destined to happen, it appears that you’ll have to realize how worthless your so-called destined life is and how it sucks to be directed by that unknown red string tied to you and to someone else and yes the rest is cliché. You would want to get out of your life now, and hope for the other unrealistic chance encounters that would make you firmly believe that the next encounter would not be destiny: but CHOICE. Therefore, the theory that we pick the ones we should love appears, and then it’s all about the reality, the ROI’s, the must-be-this-and-that kind of thinking. That is how I look at it in my perspective, and it is not beneficial to me or to anyone else.

I like it when I read the horoscope compatibility. It goes to what I would want destiny to become. Here’s not the catch. I would want to say the cliché and overused phrase: I’ll create my own destiny.

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I Don't Know. [Originally Posted at Multiply]

Really now, I really feel that I'm being tricked and derided

[deride

Verb

[-riding, -rided] to speak of or treat with contempt or ridicule [Latin deridere to laugh to scorn]

derision n
Collins Essential English Dictionary
2nd Edition 2006 © HarperCollins Publishers 2004, 2006]

by someone. It's as if this whole crappy thing I was planning before backfired and led me to an emotional psychopathic torture played by this certain someone. It sucks, well for the fact that I wasn't that trained to counter emotional torture and of course, add the fact that I was aimlessly blamed by my yet another annoying housemate stating that basically everything that had occurred was my fault. To begin with, and honestly, I went through that lowly state before and look at me now: I'm back to what I used to be.

It seemed like right now, again, I was mainly the object of blame and of course, my usual scapegoat role in the societal group called Family emerged once more. I have always hated this normality but then again, I have no right to remain vocal about that matter. I just have to continuously adapt and burn my remaining ounces of patience with the burning fire of annoyance and or aggravation. It's always the ME part, and the ME part involves cynicism, skepticism, harsh critique, and you-are-the-worst remarks. I'm pretty much acquainted with that.

So then thinking of this would really matter to me. Besides, I need some sorts of reflections in order for me to apply the theories discussed at our Ethics and Accountability class and also at the Sikolohiyang Pilipino class. I don't care if I'm being too engrossed with Acads to infiltrate it in my daily activities, but that is my notion of Praxis in my life. Thanks to Dean Brillantes, I learned that concept and now I'm trying to apply it for my own use (in my own arguments).

Again, this event or rather those events got me confused. I really don't know.

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Love Contract

Nonfiction, true. Yeah, this all occurred to me. I don’t care if you believe this or not, but I’m totally honest in all the contents this post. And I believe I need to let this out of my system one last time.

Taiwanese drama of the same title, I sorta had the same experience but not quite the enemies-turned-lovers thingy in romance dramas type. It is more of a willing entrapment (how ironic) between two people in order to stay good together. Is there such a thing like making this paperwork just for the sake of staying together? Actually, I may correct it and shrink it into a simpler word, it’s for complacency.

I may have appeared so ‘legal’ in everything that had occurred to me in the past: my mom returning ‘confiscated novels and drawings of anime’ in return for me being the class’ top one or topping a Periodical Test in the next quarter will have to have a written contact signed by me and her, me receiving a thousand pesos for every merit card during my PCC days would also involve a contract-signing between me and my mom (again), and also most verbal contracts between me and my dad would end up in paper. Just as I thought it would be for the security of everything we’ve agreed on, now I realized it’s nothing but a statement that tells me I’m such a desperate person.

In my relationship, I’ve had 2 contracts in the past. One was something like a TRO to him when I felt so mad and all. The contract states that he will stay away from me (or we’ll not see each other technically) for 25 days including the February 14th of that year (yeah I know it sucks for you guys to miss Valentine’s Day with your girlfriend). I thought that was the worst I could do to him, but then we kinda created another one which didn’t really have an impact before. It was more of another agreement that would make me calm down whenever I feel insecure or unfeeling towards something related to him. Yes, he’s experienced my highs and lows in my emotional stability, and I believe he should be lauded for his persistence.

However, this time, it was different. I may be in the best emotional slash mental condition right now and he demanded for a newer and more ‘legal’ sort of contract. I was taken aback. What the hell entered his mind that he proposed this to me? I ran along the memories of what we’ve been seriously dealing and talking. Oh, right. I think I might have said harsher and meaner things like ‘I don’t really believe you anymore’ and ‘I don’t believe you’ll be ever faithful to me’ and finally, ‘I don’t trust your love’. Ah, my tongue. I wish this was taken by a cat during those times. I’m always compulsive with the words I throw back and forth. I’m always the ‘not really thinking, jumping into conclusions and jumping into the unknown’ type of person. Something tells me that my gut feeling is always right, that I have no better options than jumping into this ‘new, unchartered territory’.

I wanted to refuse his written contract proposal, but then I thought of the times I demanded this from him. I didn’t know what to think of his sudden actions, I’m just surprised that he could go this far. Guilt trip again, friends. This nearly want me to erase my existence… but I cannot, of course. I decided just to say my quick and unwavering ‘okay’ to him, and asked him to draft this proposed contract. I thought of what would be the end of that deal for me, what I would get if I do agree, and what might be the consequences of this sudden thing we’re seriously agreeing on. Definitely, this is stranger than I thought. No one is sane enough to ask his 19-year old freakin’ stubborn girlfriend to marry him and all, right? I still doubted the sanity of this person up to this moment. Again, comes the why me part and all. I do not want to elaborate everything, but yeah, it is utterly stupid. I won’t call him all the pretty mean names I wanted to call him because of that. Because in reality, I might be the one who’s waaay stupider or foolish than him. That, we do not know yet.

As I stare blankly at the LCD monitor of Hazel-PC, I knew I needed to edit this thing into my liking. Yes, this is the perfect chance of dominating and getting the upper-hand. He’ll probably agree and not question anyway, since he told me he was doing this for himself as well. Why waste energy arguing with an argumentative person? I don’t know why, but he’s pretty good at arguing with me and making me stop. Even my mother cannot control my war freak tendencies. So is my dad. Anyway, I typed specific things at the 6th item and made it go up to half a page. After sending the revisions, he agreed with most of those things I added. A few talks, and I printed my copy. I didn’t sign yet even as I instructed him to do so in his own copy, because as a girl, I think I would change my mind the very minute or so. I didn’t.

Yesterday, around this time, we signed it. It was idiotic, yes, because it’s sort of binding yourself to a person into a ruse and with the use of obviously illegal documents you simply created to serve as your emotional outlet. Yep. I summarized the two-paged, 8 and a half by 11 inch paper document that contains the things we’re insecure of, and things we wish would happen and or intend to happen in the near future. The font size was 11, and the font was Verdana (my personal favorite). I didn’t care even if it’s stupidity that time. I guess, there’s really something I want to prove him all along. Maybe, that could be the love thing. I guess, I really do love this guy after all (say cheesy all you want, reader!).

 

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All About “J”

Yes, this letter has been invading my mind for the past 7 years now. What’s with this letter that almost everything related to the things that make me go in hanyaan mode involves it? Hmn. Let me enumerate some of it, but please, do not react violently.

 

1. First off is the set of “Johns” in our 2nd year OL Rosary classroom. :)
2. Next is the J’s in my closest guy friends’ names (June, JM, John Gerard, JJJ…).
3. Then third would be initial J of the hated person I had in 3rd year Rose of Lima (no name dropping :D)
4. Followed by my first boyfriend’s first name during 4th year high school
5. Then the nickname of one of my suitors starts with it,
6. Add up to the list would be the name of my first Asian guy idol and crush, Mr. Jerry Yan
7. Seconded by Jay Chou during 4th year high school, thanks to Inital D Live Action (and JKP for introducing him)
8. Then another hated person for end of High School :)
9. And yet another, why would I forget, my first crush during Elementary school, James…
10. Don’t forget High School’s viral J crush :D
11. College days had more than 7 friends with the J initial (JR, Jill, Jester, and a lot more).
12. Had another J Chinese (this time Mainland) crush, he is Jun Ning
13. Ooh, speaking of Jun, my other hot Japanese guy during High School is Arashi’s Jun Matsumoto (Tsukasa of HYD)
14. Then Jun Pyo and Ji Hoo comes along during College (BBF)
15. Still, JS is my current boyfriend,
16. At College, encountered many Jose’s in NCPAG (yea you know who you are :))
17. At UP, encountered the JJ’s in this recent UP Fair (Jumping Jologs, XD)
18. And finally, J is the first letter of my favorite country, JAPAN :)

 

I know there would be more to this that I haven’t included, but this shall do for the meantime. I should add to this if anything comes my way related to this.

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www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: Anime, Asian Drama, BARKADA, Crushes, Interests, Romance, School, television

Benefit of the Doubt

I don’t know if this should be the right title since I didn’t have any positive thoughts about my doubts. I looked up this idiom in a certain website I always look for answers (take note: not Google :)) but this is what I saw and it bothered me more if this should be the appropriate title:

A favorable judgment granted in the absence of full evidence.

Okay, so I was taken aback and I thought of it again. Maybe I NEED TO GIVE THIS ONE in order for me to stop grumbling and be merely satisfied with all of the things that I could assumingly touch, see, hear and analyze. Yes, I have always been skeptical to most things, especially with romance. If I could count the moments I had lost “loves” because of this, my 10 fingers would not be enough to count them. The best word could be cynical, and in fact, my cynicism reached lengths where I can’t control it—detesting and contesting such obvious scenarios and instances one has done to me. All I ask for are proofs, but when I thought of it, those proofs I was looking for since then were right in front of me. Was I blinded or is it just because of the long run state of disbelief I am having? Should we call it paranoia?

I rethink of it for a dozen of times daily. I ponder, weigh, analyze, solve… what else should I do in order for me to firmly believe that such love exists? I can’t accept it. I do not believe it. Those things I perceive could be folly, that’s why I won’t give in to the emotional attachment and mental connections… but each day it becomes harder to resist it. I gave up the physical part of my entire whole being—the one that’s dubbed to be the “most important thing in the world”—for I believe that is not the thing you are loosing, but it’s more on the emotional prowess that takes you away from yourself. You can lose the physical thing for about a million of times, but when it’s your heart and spirit that you’ll be giving away… that’s another thing. You can always replace the physical attraction, but the other things that go along with it will make you awestricken and give up everything you own (not the song, okay).

It is true that it’s hard to find real answers in the real world. Nobody knows everything and everything knows nobody. Everything can happen to anyone, but anyone cannot happen to have everything. Yes, I will confuse myself and others deeper so that with this confusion, I might be able to shield my inner weakling and appear as another so-so living in this earth—with nothing but my corporal entity as a representative. Oh yes, I admit that I’ve been doing my best to encounter everything starting the day I stepped into college, though it might literally and figuratively kill me someday. At least, I got a taste of things not every 40-year old has… (credits to a certain movie)

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www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: Implied Post, People, Romance

Summertime

Perhaps I could say that Summer is the time when people have the tendency to do the MIA or to stop being avid for a while. I have been noticing this for years and it has been noted that this period particularly is where mischievous things happen in my life. I also noticed that during this period, I got the crush overload thingy, where I lust for stars, hot guys, personalities, and even classmates in Summer class at UPD. Okay, so much for that. Right now, I haven’t spotted any cute guy from Political Science, and from STS, it is hard to spot one (imagine, you’re almost 150 students in an auditorium!!).

To make my summers less boring, I go to school and gain some units and learn different fields using my electives (I have 6 units left to use). This year, I picked up Political Science 14 (coming from the “Prof Miranda Trauma” last year, but I’m now more confident after passing under him) and STS (I targeted this since 2007!). STS is my current favorite subject ever, because the topics in the lecture are my interests: Science and Technology with bits of Social Sciences. Ever since I was a child, I fancied studying hardcore sciences like Biotech and all the seemingly impossible things that only science could prove and revoke. I loved the solar system and wondered if there were other “solar systems” with a different sun. Just yesterday, I listened well to Dean Caesar Saloma’s lecture on Science in the broadest sense. I learned new discoveries that are very interesting but not quite useful. Also, I learned that there’s already a 128 GB memory stick (or Flash Drive) that is waterproof and as small as my fingernails! It was so fantastic that my techie side wanted one in my wish list… 

Anyway, Political Science is also my recent like although I suffered and worked hard a lot for it last year (1st sem). Right now, I’m planning to take all the rest of my electives from the Department of Political Science, if I won’t be able to get Psych 142 next sem as an elective. My electives will only come from either Psychology, Sociology or Political Science as decided by me. Tomorrow, the first week of Summer classes is over. I only have 20 days left to spend. I wonder what more interesting things will occur to me for the rest of those 20 days…

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www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: Implied Post, Romance, School, Summer

Windang

Windang



Ito ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. Ala-una pasado na't gising pa ako. Alam kong may nararamdaman akong masama sa katawan ko, at ubo pa ko nang ubo.



At eto na nga't sinasayang ko ang oras na dapat ay tulog na ako sa pag-aanalisa kung paano mapapabilis tong bwisit kong Desktop PC. Kung hindi lang siya sentimental e pinaghahampas ko na siguro to ng dos por dos kanina pa...



Naaalala ko noong high school, madalas ito bukas ng gantong oras. Dami kong kachat--sino pa ba edi yung mga nakasama ko rin buong maghapon, yung mga kaklase ko rin. Hindi na kami nagkakasawaan. Biruin mo, sila na kasama mo sa room ng 8 hours, tapos sila rin katext mo pag-uwi at ang mabigat don e kachat mo pa sila hanggang oras nanaman para pumasok? Sobra. At mga mukhang bangag kami pagdating ng classroom.



Anyways, may hinihintay akong importanteng bagay ngayon. At hindi siya biro.



Dapat sana kanina pa siya dumating e. Naiwan pa sa Mega. Haayz. Ito ang sulat ko para sa kanya:



Dear Hazel-PC-Reborn,



Di ko kayang mabuhay nang wala ka. Hindi ko kayang isiping mawawaglit ka ng isang segundo sa tabi ko. Hindi ko rin kaya na wala ang screen mo sa bedside ko. Namimiss ko ang iyong init... ang mistulang heater ko sa malalamig kong gabi... Ang halos magoverheat mong katawan...  (hehe labo!)



Nang iniwan mo ko ng 3 beses, akala ko tuluyan ka nang mang-iiwan. Di pa pala, at heto ka't sinira ko nanaman... I'm so sorry... :( Hindi na kita iinstallan ng mga kung anu-ano basta-basta... Ichecheck ko na rin ang updates mo palagi. Hindi ko na sasagarin ang volume mo. Hindi na rin ako magiinstall ng free antivirus. Sana mapatawad mo ako... *cries*



I MISS YOU, Hazel-PC-Reborn!! waah!



Love,



Hazel





Awat na nga. Mukha na kong tanga. Kulang lang ata talaga ako sa tulog.

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www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: Implied Post, Romance, Web/Tech

Tumbling Down

Like blocks, every single thing in our life composes us and makes us whole. And when some block gets off the tower, it could either ruin the entire tower or not do any effect on it. That’s the same as little things that we experience everyday. And the only thing is it’s hard to rebuild our tower—especially if its something intangible.

So much for citing something and the like, I would just want to share some things me and my guy friend RA had talked about earlier. It’s all about interim relationships. First, let’s clearly define what interim here means.

In my POV, interim means an interval. In Pinoy slang, panakip-butas. In short, sort of rebound. Both of the parties just broke up with their previous partners and found solace in each other. So that’s what happened between him and her # 2. They were each other’s interims. Oh well, they had fun, as he told me. But in the end, he broke her heart. He couldn’t love her.

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www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: BARKADA, Implied Post, People, Romance

Kiss and Make Up

This sounds like a crazy phrase, but it actuality, it could be “Kiss and Make out”. Haha, not funny. Anyway, earlier I met with my estranged for two days you-know-who in Trinoma, and yes, it was a KaMo. Haha. Oh well, that was the one last thing I could ever think we’ll be doing—to meet somewhere there and do the usual Time Zone and lunch date. Of course, it’s at Mc Donald’s since it’s my recent addiction.

Anyway, after eating, we spent 35 pesos for a sketch-like thingy on paper (one which is computerized of course) “game” (or let’s say it’s an “activity” whatever) at Time Zone, the Van Gogh. It makes your sketch and you can pick whether it will be like penciled, charcoaled, and so on. So there it went. We had that sketch thingy for only one copy (35 credits, still a lot even though I got he Student Pack where 150 pesos will be equivalent to 200 credits). We played the usual games found in Robinsons and SM Megamall, and also the different new ones like Jump Rope, and others. Later in the afternoon, it was the ling bus ride again and I slept. The usual, I say. But that usual is something most of the people won’t understand, nor know about.

Bwah, we’re good again. But as I’ve said, it’s lesser compared to before. Yes, confusing. Things would not be the same again.

 

Haha, inverted ung paper I mean baliktad. Wrong side printed. Oh well,

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www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: Current Affairs, Food and Drink, Implied Post, Mall, Romance

One More Chance

The best of romances,
deserve second chances

I don’t believe in this line of a certain song. And also, I don’t like the concept of the John Lloyd-Bea film with the same title in my post.  As my friend said, it’s mostly about love lost… and found.

Once you lose something, it’s never coming back to you.

But if you insist of getting it back, chances are it will work—but most of the things that are essential have already flown away. You’ll only have something that’s a mere per cent of what you actually lost.

You will acquire it, but not of the same value.

Just like when Syaoran traded his existence in Sakura’s heart in return for the chance to travel around the dimensions and gather her memories—it won’t return: their love for each other.

I know it’s another thing, but it is how actually things work around here. Pretty much the morale of the anime. And trust me, I experienced that already.

Second chances are not good. They are for the worst.

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www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: Anime, Implied Post, Romance

ENDLESS STORY

作詞: D.A.Thomas & ats 作曲: D.A.Thomas

If you haven’t changed your mind
そばにいてほしいよ Tonight

強がることに疲れたの
幼すぎたの Everytime I think about you baby
今なら言える I miss you
It’s so hard to say I’m sorry

たとえば 誰かのためじゃなく あなたのために
歌いたい この歌を
終わらない story 続くこの輝きに
Always 伝えたい ずっと永遠に

Memories of our time together
消さなで このまま don’t go away

あたたかく溶けだして 確かめるの
優しさのしずく この胸にひろがってく
切ないほどに I’m missing you
重ねた手 離さないで

たとえば 叶うなら もう一度あなたのために
歌いたい この歌を
終わらない STORY 絶え間ない愛しさで
Tell me why 教えてよ ずっと永遠に

たとえば 誰かのためじゃなく あなたのために
歌いたい この歌を
終わらない story 続くこの輝きに
Always 伝えたい ずっと永遠に

たとえば 叶うなら もう一度あなたのために
歌いたい この歌を
終わらない story 絶え間ない愛しさで
Tell me why 教えてよ ずっと永遠に

ENDLESS STORY (English)

Lyrics: D.A.Thomas  Translation: Jonathan Wu

If you haven’t changed your mind
Then I want you by my side Tonight

I’m so tired of always having to bluff
Every time I think about you baby, I feel so young
If I could just tell you I miss you
It’s so hard to say I’m sorry

You see, I want to sing this song, not for just anyone
but just for you
An ENDLESS STORY that keeps on shining
Always, I want to show you, forever and ever

Memories of our time together
this way, they don’t go away

Once I knew that the warmth between us had disappeared,
gentle tears started to spread over my chest
This is not where it ends, I’m missing you
please don’t let go of my hand

You see, I wish I could sing this song, just for you
just one more time
An ENDLESS STORY of undying love
tell me why, please tell me, forever and ever

You see, I want to sing this song, not for just anyone
but just for you
An ENDLESS STORY that keeps on shining
Always, I want to show you, forever and ever

You see, I wish I could sing this song, just for you
just one more time
An ENDLESS STORY of undying love
tell me why, please tell me, forever and ever

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www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: Implied Post, music, Romance

Needle-pricked, Rope-burned

I really have no idea how this should feel, but… what if the person you allegedly love said something you really don’t want to hear? Something painful was uttered by that person, and you’re not sure if it was either implied, suggested, true, or a simple practical joke. Will it hurt you so much that you want to strangle that person but at the same time hold that person tighter and would not let go?

What would it mean to you then? Would you still love this person? Or will you accept what that person just told you as it is?

I don’t know how many times I have said terrible words to someone. I don’t even know that I already said something terrible. I’m always the one who tactlessly and straight-forwardly says things that could either make the person I’m talking to understand the reality or break the fragile feelings of a sensitive person. I think I should really think first before I speak. Most importantly, I’ll try screening what I say—because that can either take away my happiness or deny what I totally mean. I always withdraw my true feelings since I don’t want to get hurt in the end, which subsequently hurts someone badly.

I’m so sorry I said those things. I wasn’t thinking at all. I didn’t mean it, really.

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www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: Implied Post, Romance

Happily Ever After

Since V-day naman, naiinspire ang scenario writing mode ko sa romance. Maraming thoughts ako ngayon, so gusto ko lang i-share.

Do you believe in happy endings? E sa once upon a time? Bago kasi yung happily ever after, once upon a time muna. If you won’t start there, then there will be no happy ending.

Kaso, elusive nga yon. Like I said sa isang friend before, wala talagang ganung nag-eexist. Since no human is perfect, definitely sa buhay nila wala ring perfection. Falsehood lang ang lahat ng iyon. They were written to be fantasized, idealized. Hanggang dun na lang, nonetheless. Wala naman tayong control dun. Unless we thought of it as the version of a less-than-perfect happy ending.

Marami na kong friends na nainlove. Tipong unahan na ko sa lahat, kahit don. Naunahan nila akong mag Gradeschool since di sila ng Prep school. Naunahan din akong mag grade 6 graduation. Siyempre, pati pag-apak sa high school, at ang magkalovey-dovey. Then of course, pati sa heartbreaks naunahan ako.

Ayun, yung isang case e 5 years sila together. Okay yung guy, yung tipong dreamy guy talaga. Almost perfect for her. Too kind, too sweet, too much for a gentleman. Bigla nalang nawalan sila ng time for each other. At dun nalang natapos ang 5 years nila. Sad, but my friend has moved on. Yung guy? Ayun, till now gustong magkabalikan sila. But since my friend has a new guy and nagkaron din yung guy ng isang suicidal girlfriend, wala na silang chance together again.

Yung isa ko pang girl friend, sa chat nakakakilala ng guys for her. Once, there was this guy na instant boyfriend nya. Okay naman daw, but he’s uptight. Medyo mahirap pakisamahan. Ayun, to the point na nasasaktan na siya. It didn’t last for 2 months. 1 and a half lang. Wala naman paki yung friend ko. Hanap ulit, till may dalawang nagpass by at ang bilis ng relationships na yon. Yung latest instant boyfriend from YM nya ngayon seems to be her dream guy. I really hope na magtagal na to this time.

Yung last kong ikukwento ay may long-time younger boyfriend naman. College na kami, sila parin but the guy is still in high school. Two years younger yun, so she had to be the matured one talaga. Well since he’s too young to be that responsible sa isang relationship, they broke up. College parin kami ngayon, and she has a new boyfriend. High school ulit. She really prefers younger kids. Well, babyface naman siya saming lahat sa barkada. So ayun, sila parin yata.

I often wonder kung na-achieve nga ng mga married people ang happy endings na they picked for themselves. Is it really plausible? I doubt it. Really.

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Nakaw-tingin

May cute guy sa may gilid mo. Katabi mo ang boyfriend mo. Di naman halatang tinitingnan mo sya. Pa-glance glance lang ba. Aba, tumingin din sayo. Okay. Para bang may instant attraction. Cute ka rin naman. Cute din siya. Yung type mo talaga. Instantaneous na ito. Lingon na kayo nang lingon sa isa’t-isa. Kala mo ikaw lang yung napapalingon. Di pala. Nahuli mo siya. Nakatitig rin sayo. E nandon nga yung boyfriend mo. Ano, maguguilty ka ba?

Minsan ang feeling mo, sayang. Panghihinayang. Ay, iisipin mo pa: “Kung single kaya ako ngayon, makakausap ko kaya tong guy na to?” or “Hihingin kaya nya ang number ko pag di nya alam na may boyfriend na ko?”. Yung tipong ganun. Nakakahiya mang isipin, nagkukrus yan sa lahat siguro ng may relationship. Aminado ako dun, guilty rin naman ako sa ganun. Kaya nga minsan napapabuntung-hininga nalang ako. Wala nang magagawa kasi iyon ang pinili ko.

E pano kung iba naman ang scenario: si one true first love mo ang lumapit sayo. Like ka rin daw nya. E you’re not single anymore. Pano na?

Malabo naman siguro yun no. :) Suntok sa buwan, ika nga.

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www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: Implied Post, Romance