There’s Something about Elyse

My life purpose is to touch lives. While i hope i have been impacting the lives around me, i have 1 friend who distinctively shaped my life in my growing up years. Unfortunately, i don't see him around any more, we've gone our separate ways and drifted apart since 7 years ago.

G was 10 years older at that time and i knew him when i was feeling very unloved in my traditional family. I brood a lot and G showed relentless concern, without hidden agendas. He bought me chocolates (After Eight) because it releases endorphins, wrote me encouraging notes and mixed tapes with love songs for me. It is the experience of unconditional love that made me grow into the positive and hopeful girl i am today. Without G, i may have spiraled further in self pity, get depressed and possibly suicidal.

Later on when i graduated and got my first job, he convinced me to buy insurance. It was a wise thing to do, i was ahead of all my peers to have started my insurance plan at 19. This set me up for life because the annual premium is very low because i started young. He was also the one who advised me to take a hefty sum with me and deposit into a fixed term plan in Australia. When i left Australia, i made AUD 3000 in interest.

He probably doesn't know the impact he had on my life, but in some way, I owe my financial stability and maturity to him.

But life is like a stage right? Everything has its entrances and exits, every human relationship i encountered makes me experience life. This led me to knowing Elyse.

I met her 3 years ago and I took to her as if we’ve known each other for long. There’s something about Elyse that gave me a verbal diarrhea the moment I met her. I poured out my soul and feelings,something you normally wouldn’t with a person you just met. We talked about self-love then and how I was lacking it.

3 years later, we meet again and I realized I haven’t improved much in the self-love department! I thought it was easy to work on myself without help; my pride and ego stopped me from getting proper consult.

Elyse’s growing up years and experience with men is more colourful than most, all these have led her to today (you'll have to meet her to know her story). She speaks on FM 93.8 and writes in CLEO on helping women in attracting their true love in 90 days.

I’ve only had 2 ex-boyfriends over the course of 6 years. Since the last break-up, i've been going out, getting to know all sorts of men available. When I met Elyse again 3 years after, I thought "ok, maybe I should try this out. I'm not attached, still."

Elyse is not a friend, so she critiques me harshly and leaves me no saving grace. I then see why "life coaches" are engaged. Friends always listen and comfort you when you fail, it is the easy way out confiding in friends.

Elyse doesn't do what a friend do.

I tried her love consultation session which she gives out complimentary every month. In our session, she got me to create a list of the kind of man i want and the kind of relationship i want. I have never made a list because i was afraid making a list would mean finding Mr Perfect and we all know Mr Perfect don't exist.

Wistful thinking

Elyse chided me for selling myself short. I resisted her at first but finally made a list. She then uncovered the hidden challenge that may be sabotaging my success with men and dating; my non-commital to self.

I refused to accept her analysis at first, i was enraged at this stranger with such audacity to tell me what's wrong with me!

However, a month later, I was messaging Elyse, conceding defeat. She accurately uncovered the hidden challenge. I was dating someone when I had the love consultation and Elyse already pointed out the numerous uncertainties i was feeling but i chose to ignore it. This was the non-commital to self that she saw. I remember messaging Elyse, "You were right. It didn't last. Teach me how to attract the right love!" 

Subsequent days, she played with me mini games that trains me to listen to my inner voice.

It then dawned upon me, in all my relationships, I had ignored my intuition. I chose to ignore that inner voice that told me "this guy is not faithful", "this guy will not change", "this guy doesn't accept you for who you are".

It was hard coming to terms about the issues i had, but it was so energizing to learn about myself! Elyse renewed and inspired me to find the love of my life, the easy way.

If you are interested about Elyse and how she helps women who
- have trouble letting go of past relationships and cannot move forward in life
- tried all means and ways but can't attract available men or men who disappear after the first few dates
- wonders if there's something wrong with them
- not attracting the "right" kind of men
- or always end up hurt despite compromising a lot

Sign up for her free love attraction tool kit here, she is also on Facebook.
She gives out 5 complimentary love consults per month (the one i had), if you are interested, you can ask about it more at her website.

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www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: advertorial, love

Steve Jobs changed the Dating World.

We all woke up to some iSad news today where Steve Jobs have gone to the real iCloud. Some great quotes were circulating the cyber space, my favourite to sum this man up was

“Steve born out of wedlock, adopted at birth, dropped out of college but went on to change the world.”

With that quote, it made me feel mediocre. I was blessed to be born into a complete family with average income, have my limbs intact and senses complete. I feel ashamed I haven’t done more.

Steve is quite a looker when he is young; this was the rediscovered 1984 video of him introducing the first Mac ever. With my home computer a Mac and my office desktop a lap top, I kind of forgot what a PC is already. Then I remembered PC came with CPUS. I expected Mac to be the norm and nothing less.

I was resistant to converting to the iPhone for 3 generations. But when I did, it changed my world.

@Chrispytine

#ThankYouSteve for apps like Fake Call to get out of bad dates. 

Too often I had been readily available for the man I like that they take me for granted. To keep men wanting, you need to be unavailable. With Fake-a-Call, I can pretend I am at a really happening place when Mr. Potential calls. I can be at the club with my girlfriends (and being hit on by other Potentials); I can be at a sports event (I have a life that don’t revolve around you). Even though I really am home alone on a Friday night, unwanted.

 
Fake-a-Call also allows me to get out of hairy situations if I want to cut our socializing time short. I can tell a bad date, “Sorry, boss called. I got to go to work now! Yes, at MIDNIGHT!”

@Chrispytine

#ThankYouSteve for apps like Talk-O-Metre that measures how one-sided a conversation is. It made me dump that egoistic jerk.

Then, there is the Talk-O-Metre ($4.99). It is a chat-monitoring app that shows when someone is dominating a conversation. After a brief calibration, the app can recognize who is speaking and keeps track of each person’s talk time. Often, when you are smitten with someone you may be blinded by “love” to realize he is a self centered person. You will face the hard truth with this iPhone app. 

 Pity it can’t measure empty vessels so I know he is providing intelligent conversations. Oh wait; I think I can use my brain to measure that.

@Chrispytine

#ThankYouSteve for apps that can measure bad breath and body fat so it won't be surprising to find moobs.

Some people mask their bad breath with mints without knowing that sugar makes their breath stink even more. In the event of me having a flu that day, I may not be able to detect bad breath of a first date from across the table, I can use this app discreetly.

NTT DOCOMO Japan is preparing an app that can measure radiation levels in the surrounding, if you smell of alcohol (creep back home unsuspectingly) or under UV light that can harm the skin.

The final, here’s one for the boys. AXE Auto Romeo (free) is for the players. An iPhone app made easy for men to pay attention to lots of girls, all at the same time or all of the time. It does this by automatically sending personalized messages that pay attention to them on your behalf.

If you have a few different girls on the go at once, things can get tricky. When you spend time with one girl, the other will feel left out. How do you make sure all the girls in your life get the attention they deserve? Axe Auto Romeo offers a simple solution. Simply answer a few questions about the girls in your life and it will use this information to create personalised romantic messages. It will generate messages that you can send so the lady in question will know you’re thinking about them.

Axe Auto Romeo has three different flirt levels so you can decide how steamy the messages are. If you don’t know the lady very well, you may want to set it on warm and see what develops. If you’re already well acquainted with the lady, hot or steamy may be more effective.

 

Steve Jobs created the iPhone which revolutionized mobile apps. iPhone changed the dating world.

@Chrispytine

#ThankYouSteve for making me not look where i walk.One day,i'll knock into my Prince Charming.If i don't meet him @Facebook first.

“3 apples changed the world. The 1st tempted Eve. The 2nd inspired Newton. And the 3rd was offered to the world half eaten by Steve Jobs.”

 

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www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: apple, best mobile apps, dating, funny, love, mac

It's Complicated.

Date, it isn't such a simple word. Before society evolved, "seeing" "going out" and "dating" all mean the same thing.

In today's modern living, there is more than meets the eye. 4 definitions to be specific, before it leads to "the relationship". Men as nature has it for them are one minded simpletons (thank God for them). Most of them open their beady small Asian eyes wide and ask, "IS THERE A DIFFERENCE?" However, commitment phobes probably do see a difference. Women as nature has it for them, need to be selective. We have one egg while men have gazillion sperm. Our egg is the largest cell, while the sperm is the smallest cell in a human's body.  So yes, there IS a difference. I believe some people tell their friends "i've got a date this Friday" just so to show that they are not losers. What it really meant was just going out with someone of the opposite sex. A gentleman usually pays for the date but it doesn't necessary translate to any romantic feelings (it's another topic to discuss altogether about). In my humble and honest opinion, here're my definations. If only they are universally adopted (no more murkiness!), perhaps there will be less broken hearts without varying expectations. Hooking Up                                                      This is the simplest to understand. Hooking up merely means no strings attached sexual relations. Do not expect any form of commitment or fidelity. Hooking up happens on the first date, if you even consider a date without a movie and a meal. Pure lust and physical attraction, lightly peppered with feelings, form the basis of this "date". (dirty) Pet name calling is acceptable because both know its only for THE moment. Another name for hooking up is also known as a booty call. Sex at this level is a mere level up from anonymous sex. Going Out                                           Going out is as it says it, literally, is going out. When people say “I’m going on a date”, what it really means is this relationship is at its going out stage.  As the relationship progresses, the next level is “I’m dating so-and-so” and there IS a difference between that claim and “I’ve a date this Friday.” We’ll get to that later. Going out with someone signals initial attraction and is more exclusive than a group outing which is obviously, no relationship. Going out with someone is the start of a framework and consist largely fact finding. As animals suss out by sniffing, humans suss out by asking. Occupation, age, interests, and cancer history (joking).  Going out is not formal and definitely non committal. You may go out with someone this week, and another the next.                                                           At this stage, both will be on their best behaviour, wanting to impress. Infactuation is easily maintained, but distraction can happen too. With hook ups, some men still believe in taking the girl out for a movie and dinner before heading to bed, some don't. Going-out-with-someone sex (if it even happens) is one level higher than hooking up, two levels higher than one night stands. The 7 hour rule applies at this stage. Where it is believed to get into a girl's pants, you need to spend a minimum of 7 hours dating her. That averages to about 4 dates. I'm Dating XXX                                                 Dating someone is post fact-finding and into verification and assessment as you want to spend more time with the person. The second guessing is over and you know for sure the man/woman likes you and you start wanting to see how it works. This phase is still fairly non-committal and you can still go out with other people. At this stage, you may want to introduce him/her to friends especially if close peers’ opinions are important and it matters to you to see him/ her get along well with them. However, introduce with caution as nothing is cast in stone yet and your potential interest may still be easily distracted. Phone calls will increase, discussing about past relationships/ sex history (if it matters to you) can also start. I’m Seeing XXX                                             Seeing someone is when you begin to imagine a future with this person, although commitment phobes (who won’t admit it) may not think so but still want an official relationship. You may start being a little more physically intimate (if you haven’t already); to make sure he/she doesn’t have body odour or bad breath.                                               At any one point of these phases, the relationship can be arrested and cross over to “Just Friends” and there wouldn’t be much damage done. However, seeing someone is more committal than dating and in terms of protocol, you can still go out, date or even see other people. But if you have already started sexual liaisons with any one of these, it would be bad taste (though not considered cheating) if you are swapping saliva with many.                             I’d suggest organize house parties together and watch the chemistry between you two as you play host. This is also the right time to discuss the relationship. It is mandatory otherwise misunderstandings and varying expectations may result in unnecessary heartache. You may well think you are in the “seeing” phase but your love interest may be in the “dating” or even worse “going out” stage. This is why if only these dating definitions can be universally adopted so everyone can be on the same page without awkward discussions. With the discussion, new guidelines and boundaries can be applied to this make-or-break path to official status. “I’m attached.” Congratulations. You are now branded and marked as “my property”. Monogamy is expected and it is one-to-one, one-on-one and one-in-one. At this stage, you can be rightfully accused of cheating if you’re caught/seen screwing someone else, seeing someone else, dating or even going out with someone else. You can now set new rules and guidelines, depending on your level of possessiveness. To some, going out with a single opposite sex is not allowed; some thinks its fine so long as she/he is kept informed. Seal the deal with a kiss.                                            You may now change your Facebook status.

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www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: love, relationships

Just not that Into You

Upon the suggestion of my girlfriend, I went to Borders and Kino for Why Men Marry Bitches.


They were sold out across our tiny red dot.

It’s not a surprise, since many Singaporean women hanker after marriage.

Do we really need to be bitches in order to snag a man?

I beg to differ.

Instead, I think if a man does not want to marry you, he simply isn’t that much into you! I have heard too many stories of girlfriends in dead end relationships (still waiting 7 years & counting). That said, we do need to acknowledge that men and women view marriage very differently. Women see marriage as a value-add (as the saying goes “a successful man always has his woman behind him), men see marriage as a next step AFTER they are comfortable with their career and ability to provide (countless quotes taking a jab at marriage, calling it suffering etc.)

Saw the premiere of RIO last night and a quote from Blu left an impression. His fellow species saw flight as freedom, but he thought that freedom is a lonely walk to embark.

At 13, I thought I’ll be married at 25, a MILF at 27 and living happily ever after in my 37th floor castle HDB. Life may not go the way I planned it to be, yet I am happy just the way it is. Better to be single than to marry the wrong man. Just don’t become the creepy cat lady on the 9th floor. Ironically, spinsters like to keep cats yet cats have all the characteristics of what they hate in a man! Independent, doesn’t come when you call, stays out late and sleeps all the time at home.

I am a woman, hear me roar. I have a voice, and I have no qualms in letting my feelings be known. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I am not a bitch. However, more often than not when you like someone first, that person may not reciprocate the same way. He may eventually fall in love with you, but if he doesn’t? Have the guts to acknowledge it, keep your pride and not force it.

People tend to covet after things unattainable. Even if feelings are unreturned, girls tend to keep loving till we get really hurt. There is the rare male breed where they don’t mislead, but most would enjoy the attention and affection with no commitment. Here’s my list to recognize when he’s just not that into you, in the early stages of courtship. It’s not meant to be a long one; I am not some bitter old hag. Instead, it’s just 4 VERY BASIC dating rules that when we are in love, we tend to shrug off or make excuses for the rule breakers.

1) He doesn’t call until you call him

2) He doesn’t ask you out until you ask him

3) He makes no effort to plan date activity/ asking you out last minute

4) He arrives 45 minutes late for a date (when you know he could have avoided that)

5) He checks his phone frequently when he’s out with you

Give your heart to someone deserving of trust and wants to care for your heart. Don’t go chasing waterfalls, they are beautiful yet deadly.

If you have been jilted, spurned or hurt, don’t give up hope on finding love either. However girls, if you are just not into him. You need to say so too.

P.S The book’s title was a figure of speech, I later found out. The primary teaching is about female empowerment, about having our own voice and not be a push-over.

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www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: love

He Sells Fish

To watch the videos, it's at http://blog.omy.sg/singuysingirl/

This will probably spark off a war of controversy, flame attacks and debates. There has always been an ongoing discussion about Singaporean women being too demanding, Singaporean men being too weak. Enough already! There will be an Eve for every Adam eventually. Even the ugliest people on the streets.

Many men have lament to me that their women are dead fishes in bed. These are usually women who don’t like the sun or break a sweat, thus are always lying on their backs (I am a great poet). I personally think you can’t generalize Singaporean women when it comes to sexuality.

Yes, you have those and then you have others. Like (written by Alvinology):

Singaporean girls are getting more comfortable with exposing their bodies these days – whether intentional (like in the case of Daphne; micro-bikini teacher/model Gwen Teng; public exhibitionist Sun Tan) or unintentional (think Tammy from NYP and FHM Girl Next Door winner, Adeline Teo).

Heck, even the guys are getting into it (Click HERE and HERE).

Happen to blog something similiar recently.

From what I’ve seen and heard, I feel that

1) Singaporean women are still bashful with talking about sex. This includes married women. My best girlfriend asked me to “teach her some tricks” before marriage, knowing that I am WELL-READ. I did and as a true blue KPO therapist, I followed up after her wedding night. Her short review : Sex is overrated. When I probe to ask her more, because I believe in a healthy sex life after marriage, she kept mum and refused to talk about it. Her reluctance to opening up and finding out I believe will be a hindrance to a healthy sex life within marriage.

2) Singaporean women ARE on par with the men in cheating and sleeping around. On the other end, I know of a friend’s friend who had sex with 5 different men at ZoukOut. Yes, on the beach.

3) To the men who complain about Singaporean women being dead fishes in bed, have you thought that perhaps YOU, the Singaporean man just DON’T GET IT?

It's not Wham Bam Thank You Mam.

Like gears, a woman needs to be oiled before activity. First you assure her emotional fears (read previous post here).

Secondly, the ambience and environment plays a part.

Here’s a checklist:

1) Candles

2) Essential oils (optional. Lavender oil is naturally relaxing and it helps you sleep literally.)

3) Music (For love making: slow, smooth, lounge. Love songs or you can have naughty blatant like Shoop Dog’s Wet.



For rough passionate sex: get this



Or this


Do respect the lady though. Remember class, not crass.

Lastly, FOREPLAY.

A woman like gears, need to be well oiled before activity. Take it literally, give her a massage with oils.

Don’t sell fish (selfish, if you haven’t already got it).
Footnote: Giving away your virginity takes one night, getting back your virginity, there's no turning back.

Here’s to loving women and jumpin’ fishes!

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www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: love, sex

Case Study 1.1

2 weeks ago, i wrote about how cheap love is amongst the younger generation. Today, i found another example of what real love is.



Cheating between lovers transcends race, culture and age.

From my observation, I believe that Asian men tend to strive to have their cake and eat it by having an affair yet maintaining their marriage. Most Asian women also turn a blind eye to their husband’s philandering ways because they do not want to jeopardize financial stability and risk social stigma.

Caucasians, however more than often decide to come clean with their affairs, admitting they’ve lost feelings, gave in to temptation etc. and let the betrayed decide. The low divorce rates in Asia does not equate to a low figure of marital affairs.

That being said, one value that differentiates an Asian dude and a Westerner is that the Asian man believes in being the sole provider while Westerners have no qualms about going dutch (both male and female). While pre-nuptials are popular and often practiced in America, in Asia, its mandatory that the man has to split half of his assets (that came to fruit after marriage) with his divorced wife (even if she has no children). However, in increasing affluent Singapore, with the immersion of modern society, the Asian men ARE complaining about having to foot the bill all the time. At the same time, i have also met Caucasians who believe in being the sole provider of the relationship.

It is also a popular belief that Caucasians are more romantic than Asians, while Asians provide better. Or Asians will cheat less than a smooth talking Caucasian.

Personally, i don't think you can stereotype characteristics based on one's culture and race, although the environment, family and society that we grow up in definitely has some effect.

I feel exceptionally proud of the Chinese when the Peacock man said this is what a man should do. Call me traditional, but it was actually very touching.

Yet, still i believe love transcends age, race and culture.

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www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: love