Crowning Glory

I was once caught on Gotcha! I was checking out the street stalls along Kallang stadium and being a sucker for freebies, I was drawn to the stall that offered free Hanna paintings.

I perspire a lot and I am not without scrunched up tissues in my fist. I sat down, extended my hand and the lady started drawing on the back of my hand with Hanna (but actually brown paint). While she chatted with me, she started drawing obscene images and vulgarities on my hand.

Frankly, I was too caught up looking at her pretty face, I didn’t even notice what she was doodling on my hand! Only when she asked me to look down and asked what I think about her art, then I calmly told her “it’s different.” I wasn’t shocked, embarrassed or angry. I guess I was a failed prank.

What was embarrassing however was, the lady did not tell me I had huge pieces of tissue paper broken down from me swiping my sweat on my forehead! This image was captured on film and aired on national tv. For months, my prank was replayed on TV mobile and the embarrassing part wasn’t the rude drawings and nonchalant expression but these white bits.

That shame, is equivalent to having a date reach across and pick dandruff out of my hair.

And that, my dear friend, has happened to me not once, but many times.

I am not the type who’ll lament I’m fat knowing I’m not (I can’t stand girls who eat fries but blot them with tissue before!) So I’ll say I have a mild dandruff problem (or maybe I’m afraid to admit I have a full-on dandruff problem?)

For a long while, when dates pull dandruff out of my hair; I wave my hand, shrug my shoulders and say “oh, it must be remnants from the hair products I use before meeting you.” Or “oh, it must be the tissue I used to wipe my sweat!” Being a perspiring girl was better sounding than I have dandruff.

I am such a bad liar but thankfully none of my dates examine the white speck on their fingers.

One date even casually commented “it’s much more obvious because your hair is so black.”

If we were monkeys, I bet my white specks will be very attractive.

Why do people get dandruff?

It’s largely due to hormonal imbalance, and condition of the scalp. Dandruff conditions are the result of disorganization of cellular activity: cell of the scalp renew too quickly, leading to excessive desquamation of the scalp combined with bacteria. More than 30% of us suffer from dandruff. With higher level of stress in our daily lives being one of the main causes, dandruff problems can exacerbate and become a larger issue that may lead to hair loss.

How does one get rid of dandruff?

Through a proper and effective treatment and maintenance that helps one to achieve clean, healthy scalp and hair. With PHYTO Hair Spa’s Dandruff Detox (S$208 for 2hs which includes the signature scalp massage & infra red treatment / S$188 for 1h 45mins which includes the signature scalp massage), dandruff conditions such as itching or scalp congestion can be managed effectively through the exfoliation of dandruff that helps to slow down cell division. The treatment also has antiseptic and anti-fungal action, which is soothing and cleansing to the scalp.

How many sessions are required to typically cure dandruff?

There is no straight answer for this as it varies per individual. Typically, for a medium-serious condition, one would require between six to ten sessions.

I have done 3 at Phyto and my dandruff have diminished significantly. They still happen every now and then but at least you can't collect enough to form a little salt mound.

Boys can also be pampered too!

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www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: dandruff, hair, kym, Phyto

Laugh Monday Blues Away

One of my ambitions was to be a teacher. When i'm home alone, i'd wear my mum's clothes, heels and fill one of these plastic rectangular baskets with books and markers (do teachers still use those baskets now?)

Let Ms Ng teach you some Mandarin....

The optimum visual for 鲜花插在牛粪上。

Translation: fresh flower on a pile of shit, usually used to describe a pretty girl attached to an ugly man.

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www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: funny, kym

The Art of Posing

                         

As the voting for  Omy Blog Awards is coming to an end (5 more days), to honour the category as well as my reader Annie who nominated me, allow me to share my humble opinion of the art of posing!

I have had my fair share of awkard posing.

Tilted my head abit too much, and end up smelling my armpits. See here. The WORST pose i've ever done was this....look, i even drew on curly armpit hair to illustrate.

My armpits are now proudly IPL-ed, FYI.

Low angles give you a double chin, even if you're not fat. That's how tabloids sell magazines of celebrities in their worst. See my own example here.

So avoid these mistakes, be picture perfect with these red carpet moves (without need of photoshop after!):

1) I NEED TO PEE MOVE

Elongate your legs and an hour-glass figure. 'Nuff said.

2) SWEATY PALM MOVE

90% of the time, girls place them on their hips, which is Paris Hilton's signature pose. It's extremely flattering as it causes you to push your hips forward, pull your shoulders back and draws attention to your waistline, that is, if you are standing at a 45 degree angle. Sounds like science isn't it? This is the most common pose, which makes it bOOOring!

Especially in a group picture, like a beauty pageant with androids, you won't stand out. So i suggest clasping your hands like Nicole Kidman. Classy, elegant and it hides sweaty palms.

                                              
If your dress isn't full-length then a coy crossing of your knees is a good way to thin down your bottom half, which makes you seem taller and thinner. Be careful not to stand with your feet too far apart though, as this will make you appear short and awkward.

3) THE FART MOVE

Lean your body weight for a curve. Just like how you'd quell a fart.

                                

4) CHECK FOR DANDRUFF MOVE

This is a great pose to draw attention to your butt, shoulders and back, a much-used move by Renee Zellweger and my favourite. It's also a brillant way to show off the back of your dress. The best way to carry out this pose is to push your shoulders slightly forward as you look back, rest your elbows on your hip and let your fingers trail down your thigh.

                            

And if you ever fall down while walking down the carpet, remember to fall with grace as the flashlights continue strobing.

                               

Now go out and dazzle the crowd!

                              

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www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: celebrity poses, kym

Escaping Death.

Ever wondered when you're meant to die and when you're not? The below news video is in Mandarin, but it's pretty much self explainatory with these narrow death escapes. You watch with bated breath, i'm not sure if striking 4D is comparable to this.

Do you fear death and have you ever wondered what happens after death? As morbid as i am and the thrill seeker that i am, i am very blessed to be protected, away from the hands of death. That being said, i urge you to not take uncalculated dangers. I.E touching switches with wet hands.

I have had near death experiences. All of them had to do with water. I fear water, my swimming instructor says i swim like a chicken. At least if he had called me a water monkey, it would have been less insulting because sea monkeys actually exist.

Singapore used to sell them, but i'm not sure where to find them now. Touted as instant pets, there's a sachet where you tear open and dump into a tank of water. The eggs then hatch and become brine shrimps that live for 2 years.

They don't exhibit cannibalism, so they just keep populating.

So anyway, back to my narrow escapes.

When i was 3, i was waddling in the baby's pool. Suddenly i lost my footing and i sat onto the pool floor. For a few seconds, i was underwater and did not know how to stand up (my baby legs must have been too fat).

My dad saved me.

Since then, i guess i must have been badly traumatised. So much so that my mum has to chase me around the house to catch me, strap me down and tie me to the water pipe. She then put on googles for me and start washing my hair. Before you start calling the child welfare services, it was because of her, that's why i have no fleas or kutu kutus.

Then i was 12 and swimming in my friend's pool. She lent me her humugous 2 litre super soaker which i carried and swam. Obviously, i had no biceps to carry a heavy water gun and swim across the deep pool. So i started sinking. Common sense told me to let go off the gun so i had both arms to swim upwards. But stupid   responsible me did not want to lose my friend's toy. I was determined to return it to her, so i allowed myself to sink down into the depths of the pool, all the while hugging the gun tightly in my arms.

My mum saved me.

When i was 16 or so, my brother slept above me on a double decker bed. One fine night, after we've just gone to bed, my church friend suddenly called my house telephone. So i got up to answer it and wham bam! The bed above mine collapse and fell onto mine. My brother was shocked but said it was fun. Like a roller coaster he said. If it wasn't that fateful phone call, i'd be squashed like a pancake.

Later on when i was 18, i rode an AVT in New Zealand. I don't remember why my mind wandered but according to my brothers, i suddenly veered off track, accelerated and flew off the cliff! In the nick of time, i braked (mind stopped wandering), and i panicked not knowing what to do.

My tour guide saved me.

When i went bungee jumping, i kept thinking of the freak accident videos i always see and at that moment in time, i thought of how brave the suicidal people are.

When i was hospitalised without reason, the doctors warned my parents that i could have an undetected terminal illness. They cried, yet my heart was peaceful and calm. I knew i had lived, i know i have a Protector, i know i have an all-knowing Father, i know i need not fear. Do you know your purpose in life? What are you on Earth for?

I know i am, blessed to be a blessing.

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www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: cheating death, kym