Hatred. A Must-Read For Someone.

Nothing pushed me to write on my blog the last month since I was pretty fine back then. But now, I had more reasons to write up rants that’s why this post evolved. I was to sleep with the normal 10 PM by bed routine for the past week, but the devil knows I really wanted to spill all my hatred for someone right now. I have been talking about this with my closest guyfriends, but I’d rather not tell them anything right now because they might be thinking of other bothersome things as of this moment that I might ruin their current modes. Oh well, never had I felt this much anger for myself than now. I really thought that things could go smoothly, not until now.

I didn’t intend to do this blog post again to be read by anyone since I write with my whim. Oh yeah. That’s what a blog really is. Screw the grammar this time. So let me tell the story on why I exactly hate someone from the very beginning.

Back in senior year of high school I thought things were pretty normal with all the couple-y stuff I’ve been involved in. Not until perverse things began and got me thinking when should be the right age to discuss rather disgusting things with a member of the opposite gender. Yeah, since it was inevitable those stuffs began from the simplest to the quite disturbing for that period. It didn’t end so good for that person since I got wily then mad before, during and after graduation. I didn’t quite get the transition to college first and so on. But that period passed, since the good quite showed from him although I still blame him for what had happened to me. Anyway, college came in a blast with me still clueless on stuff then we began being totally in to some things as lightly as first then comes 2007 and there goes specific events before it (duh the order) and then I found myself agreeing to it. Oh right. I usually do something first before blah blah blah. Yeah, he was persistent, and I knew he really was. He told me so.

And so the vicious cycle continued, with me realizing the intent for this and that was growing with regards to this person. I tried avoiding it in all costs, but who am I to completely guard myself? I’m no saint nor a control freak of my own undertakings; I’m not obedient either. I just got sucked into a warp and never got out of it. What’s worse is that as the year passed, several things happened. I had them documented chronologically. The dates were as follows:

sometime in March 2008,

April 14, 2008,

June 3, 2008

December 19, 2008

January 2-3, 2009

January 9, 2009

January 17, 2009

January 26, 2009

January 30-31, 2009 and many many countless dates more.

And lo, when February 6, 2009 came, his plans of getting me into this almost everywhere to be seen red building come true. I bet it was one of the happiest days in his pathetic life. Then it was followed by February 9, 2009—up to the very present. We’d tried all other places and planned on all other things. Yea, I got caught by these bewildered words he say. Oh you know the common story of women, right? By the way I don’t know yet who must be blamed for all of these other than him. Well, he could say in defense that he was just being a guy oh for the love of the gods. That would be everyone’s reasoning. I think he really had the worst religious state ever, but that made me wonder what Catholic schools have been teaching to its students. The lewdness and the sleekness of this person must’ve reached the depths of I don’t know where. And what’s yet another bad part is that I was the usual cohort. Damn my pathetic human brain and mushy side. I know I shouldn’t have believed him too soon.

Lesson learned: none. Even though it seems that he got the worst torture from me as everybody thinks starting from last August, IT’S ALL WRONG. Females are still considered as the weaker ones, so be it. I would personally agree. I might have appeared to have the upper hand in this seemingly good relationship but really, no. I might have looked like hey I’m ok and I’m having a great time torturing, but the thing is, I was the one getting all the bad repercussions and all the worst setbacks I could ever think of. Soon, everyone will have to know on how we’d lived our life, and I’d be glad. He’s definitely not the princely whatsoever coming from the fairytale kind of guy. I was even wondering if he wasn’t as worst as the worst perverted men I know. Maybe the one who admits some things in that realm are the ones who hadn’t been doing much. But as of this Mr. I’m so innocent I look like an angel, he really had this devilish side hopefully he had unleashed with other girls (oh yes come feast with his body, I bet he’s doing all sorts of stuff to attract you more). Baah. I was even telling him sometimes as exact as I wrote here, but I believe not until he gets the REAL beating and not just the verbal jousts will he ever be disciplined.

As of now, I had no plans on doing anything but to continue the game I had started which by the way I’m about to lose. Even if he says this and that meekly and humbly like I will never do this and that, I will be this and that, I will do this and that, I will lessen this and that, look I’m doing this and that, hey now I’m more like this and that—aah right? Just keep on feeding me mushy and cheesy words and don’t forget to act as good as possible and in the end your fruits of performing will be paid by the gods of lust. I don't think this post will be getting anywhere without me addressing it to you properly, but I think I’ll have to tag you when this appears on Facebook. Oh, you’ll make a good actor. Keep on practicing. I really have no time to analyze whichever you say is right or wrong or true or false or any other question that is not open-ended because I’m so tired of them. Besides, I’ve been getting more objective exams in school so there.

But seriously, he was the best chum I’d ever had at the same time the worst. I couldn’t say anything more because he’s heard of these many times from before. After that, it’s as if he had this auto-response of the mushy stuff. It’s like a spam text message I keep on receiving every time I started reminding him on how he sucked big time. I know of his efforts, but those aren’t enough to cover the big messes up. I really don’t know how to get even this time. Man, I better think of something quick.

Gudang grosir baju anak murah - harga pabrik !!
www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: Current Affairs, Past, People, Romance

Benefit of the Doubt

I don’t know if this should be the right title since I didn’t have any positive thoughts about my doubts. I looked up this idiom in a certain website I always look for answers (take note: not Google :)) but this is what I saw and it bothered me more if this should be the appropriate title:

A favorable judgment granted in the absence of full evidence.

Okay, so I was taken aback and I thought of it again. Maybe I NEED TO GIVE THIS ONE in order for me to stop grumbling and be merely satisfied with all of the things that I could assumingly touch, see, hear and analyze. Yes, I have always been skeptical to most things, especially with romance. If I could count the moments I had lost “loves” because of this, my 10 fingers would not be enough to count them. The best word could be cynical, and in fact, my cynicism reached lengths where I can’t control it—detesting and contesting such obvious scenarios and instances one has done to me. All I ask for are proofs, but when I thought of it, those proofs I was looking for since then were right in front of me. Was I blinded or is it just because of the long run state of disbelief I am having? Should we call it paranoia?

I rethink of it for a dozen of times daily. I ponder, weigh, analyze, solve… what else should I do in order for me to firmly believe that such love exists? I can’t accept it. I do not believe it. Those things I perceive could be folly, that’s why I won’t give in to the emotional attachment and mental connections… but each day it becomes harder to resist it. I gave up the physical part of my entire whole being—the one that’s dubbed to be the “most important thing in the world”—for I believe that is not the thing you are loosing, but it’s more on the emotional prowess that takes you away from yourself. You can lose the physical thing for about a million of times, but when it’s your heart and spirit that you’ll be giving away… that’s another thing. You can always replace the physical attraction, but the other things that go along with it will make you awestricken and give up everything you own (not the song, okay).

It is true that it’s hard to find real answers in the real world. Nobody knows everything and everything knows nobody. Everything can happen to anyone, but anyone cannot happen to have everything. Yes, I will confuse myself and others deeper so that with this confusion, I might be able to shield my inner weakling and appear as another so-so living in this earth—with nothing but my corporal entity as a representative. Oh yes, I admit that I’ve been doing my best to encounter everything starting the day I stepped into college, though it might literally and figuratively kill me someday. At least, I got a taste of things not every 40-year old has… (credits to a certain movie)

Gudang grosir baju anak murah - harga pabrik !!
www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: Implied Post, People, Romance

Confessions of a Mafia Wars Addict

I was walking along Robinsons Galleria Food Court earlier when I saw a kiosk named ____ Pac with Pacman’s (the game thing, not Manny P.) picture beside it. I laughed, and I told him that I read it wrong, I thought it was “Energy Pak” (see, I even forgot the kiosk’s name!). I realized I was really hooked at Mafia Wars, another of Facebook’s hundreds of thousands of applications. Everything I came across today simply reminded me of it. For instance, aside from the ____ Pac store, I also thought of the Chinese Action Film showed on the bus we were riding earlier as relevant to Mafia Wars—wherein it has scenes of gunfights and the like. I am so in to this game that every morning, this has been my ritual instead of Plurk. And every time I receive an Energy Pak, I am elated.

It’s not only me that is addicted to this browser game. Most of my Facebook friends are Mafia Wars people, and almost all of those 460+ people play the game and I don’t personally know them. When they send friend requests, the message included would be “Please add me on your Mafia”, “Mafia Wars :)”, “Join My Mafia: *insert their link here*”, and so many other variants of personal messages related to it. Yes, this has been a fad for many “war freaks” and this app has also been one of the most popular as of the moment. Well, Pet Society would still be the number one addictive game for many and next would be Restaurant City, but nonetheless, Mafia Wars belongs to the Top 5.

Since this is a fad, it will soon pass and later on, another browser game shall invade Facebook. I’m predicting that Mafia Wars will stand on the most played for just a year, or until all levels are mostly completed by everyone. But then again, the levels are never-ending and they keep on improving the whole set-up of the game. I bet the creators of Mafia Wars continue to think of innovations (such as gift of Loots and Vault Collections) so that no one of us current addicts will switch to another, or completely leave the game :)

Gudang grosir baju anak murah - harga pabrik !!
www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: PC Games, People, School, Web/Tech

Rolling Scotch Tape

If the weird things he’s done didn’t come new to me, well this afternoon, I was so wrong. This time, he did something weirder. Yes, weirder than the usual. When I saw him come out of room 301, he had this tiny bundle or rolled thingy in his right hand. I observed him at the corner of my eye as we conversed. True to what I think it was, it was actually a rolled scotch tape, and it was PERFECTLY round. I would want to laugh at it, but I didn’t.

We had fun with the “rolled ball”, and we played “catch” with it. It was silly. It won’t even “jump” since it’s just a mass of scotch tape. Anyway, I enjoyed it.

Gudang grosir baju anak murah - harga pabrik !!
www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: People, School

With Ms. Bb Gandanghari

It was so much fun that I can’t express it into words. Haha.

Well, here are some pics I’d like to share:

Ang bait niya. Pumayag siya ng second photo. Haha. May autographed mag na ko! :)

 

Gudang grosir baju anak murah - harga pabrik !!
www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: Mall, People, television, Weekend

Mobile Phone

Pagkatapos ng 141, bumaba kaming tatlo. Naupo sa may gilid ng lobby. Walang silya. Pinagpilian na ang mga topic sa term paper. Nagmamadali si Karl kaya minadali namin. Tinanong nya kung ano number ni Karl, tapos itinuro naman niya ako. Edi naisip kong hanapin na sa mobile ko yung number.

Naglakad na kami papuntang cafeteria. Nakita ko na. Edi inabot ko sa kanya para kopyahin nya. Sabi ko, bilis-bilisan naman nya. Aba, at lalo namang binagalan! Sabi ko, nananadya ka yata e. Tapos sabi nya, ay mali na tuloy dapat ko nang uliting kopyahin. Naglakad ako ng pabaliktad hanggang narating namin yung back exit. Tapos nawala na sa isip ko yung mobile.

Bumili na kami ng makakain. Baked mac. Nakakuha na ko ng yelo para sa C2 apple kong boring kasi di na malamig. Bumalik ako sa mesa namin sa labas, inagawan ko siya ng silya. Naupo kami. Kumain. Patapos na siya at kinukulit ko sya tungkol sa mobile ko. Sabi nya, binigay ko na sayo. Ganun nang ganun ang sagot nya. Nainis ako. Siyempre, ginamitan ko ng death glare. Sabi ko, wala ako sa mood makipaglokohan ngayon. Alam ko nasayo pa yun. Ipinilit nyang wala parin. Tapos nauwi sa ano raw ba makukuha nya pag inagaw at di nya ibalik yon sakin. Sagot ko, pwede mo kong i-blackmail. Sabi nya, ano rin maidudulot ng blackmailing nya sakin. Sagot ko naman, marami. Tumahimik kaming parehas habang ipinapakita ko paring naiinis ako (kahit di naman gaano). Sabi ko, ibalik mo na. Sagot nya, make me. Tapos dagdag nya, may extra akong damit, kahit ibuhos mo yang pasta sakin. Sabi ko, gusto mo ng away? I don’t mind ang sagot nya. Ah ganun, sabi ko naman tapos tiningnan ko nanaman siya nang masama.

Pagkatapos ng kung anu-anong mga sinabi pa ay hinugot na nya sa bulsa nya at sabi nya, sige na nga. Inaabot nya sakin. Sabi ko na parang nag-uutos, ilapag mo. Ayaw niya. Tinuktok ko yung mesa. Ibaba mo rito, inulit ko. Ayaw nya. Tinuloy ko pagkain ko, at sinabi kong mangangalay siya. Ayos lang daw, kaliwang kamay naman daw gagamitin nya. Hindi na ko sumagot, tinapos ko na yung pasta. Inexplore nya yung cel at may mga password nga sa files. Tinanong nya skin yung password. Ayokong ibigay. SIyempre no. Tapos kinuhanan nya ko ng litratong panakaw. Haha. Nalinlang ako dun a. Tapos kinuha ko na.

Pinuna nya yung pic ko sa harap. Kala nya naging boyfriend ko rin yung kapatid ng best friend ko. Sabi ko naman, bata yan hamak no. Sagot nya, e mukha kayong high school dito. Sabi ko, last sem lang kaya yan! Di siya naniniwala, at mukha raw talaga akong high school don. Tapos sabi ko akala ko ba maaga kang aalis ngayon. E hayaan ko na raw yun. May klase ako, kaya tumayo na ako. Sumunod siya at lumabas na kami, habang nagkwentuhan nanaman ng kung anu-ano.

Ang labo niya, pero kaya ko pala siyang takutin… nang konti. Haha. Nakakatakot ba ko? Di kaya. :)

Gudang grosir baju anak murah - harga pabrik !!
www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: People, School

Tumbling Down

Like blocks, every single thing in our life composes us and makes us whole. And when some block gets off the tower, it could either ruin the entire tower or not do any effect on it. That’s the same as little things that we experience everyday. And the only thing is it’s hard to rebuild our tower—especially if its something intangible.

So much for citing something and the like, I would just want to share some things me and my guy friend RA had talked about earlier. It’s all about interim relationships. First, let’s clearly define what interim here means.

In my POV, interim means an interval. In Pinoy slang, panakip-butas. In short, sort of rebound. Both of the parties just broke up with their previous partners and found solace in each other. So that’s what happened between him and her # 2. They were each other’s interims. Oh well, they had fun, as he told me. But in the end, he broke her heart. He couldn’t love her.

Gudang grosir baju anak murah - harga pabrik !!
www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: BARKADA, Implied Post, People, Romance

Plurk

Ang Plurk. Di ko alam ang ibig sabihin nito. Ingles ba yan? Siguro nga. Anyway, isa nanaman ito sa roster ng social networks na nauuso sa mga kabatch at di ko kabatch. Basta dun sa mga mahilig magblog at makipagsosyalan sa net. Nang dahil dito, nabawas-bawasan ang pagYYM namin at ang kaka-Live namin. Hala. Useless na nga pagiging online e. Well, for some na buhay sa pakikipagchat gaya ko nakakapanibago talaga ang pagbabago.

Kasalanan din ng Plurk kung bat kumonti ang posts ko sa blog kong to. Kakatuwa rin pala yon, nung una sobrang complex tapos when you get used to it okay naman pala. Haha. Sige dun muna ko…

Sorry, FS blog. Maiiwanan muna kita. :)

Gudang grosir baju anak murah - harga pabrik !!
www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: People, Web/Tech, Weblogs

Words of Wisdom

"Penapanalangen ku na sana magbalekan ang labtem nena Zil at Petse. Kase sayang selang dalawa. At ikay Dyi-em, pwide ba mag-engat ka naman sa epaparis mo kay Zil para hende na sela mag-isplet."

Idagdag pa natin to:

"Huy betewan mu sya! Dili ako makapayag na maponta ka sa lalakeng yan, Idriana! At kaw naman dodong, kahet mag-enum ka ng tablitang Alaksan mamamaga yang ngoso mo pag hende ka lomayo!"

Hay, san ka pa? Galing talaga ni Sir Manny H.—ang dakilang PE teacher ng mga educational institutions na pinapasukan ko… :D

Pantanggal ng bwisit sa isang tao. Hmp. Kaasar siya…

Geh yun lang… :)

 

Gudang grosir baju anak murah - harga pabrik !!
www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: People

Bored Days Flings

Fling - a brief casual relationship.

             -Wikipedia

I guess I better recognize some people who had been in my life when I strayed from someone else… wait. Is it really something like straying? No. I mean, duh. Whatever. Who’ll care? We do not remember each other now. Nor does he know about it.

So once in my life as a College gal, I tried going back to other chatrooms I haven’t visited for a long time. And I was, at that time also using BearShare as my downloader which has chat features. I did search for guys my age (I was 17 back then) and started chatting with them. These are parts of the things I did that I remember:

*Take note that no one of them knew my real name. Maybe a few of them, but mostly they call me Aya, my YM nick and also in Bearshare. All these are the ones I gave or got my number. There are lots of others that are just in my list but I didn’t really find interesting, that’s why they didn’t have my number.*

1. I met Jasper at Bearshare. He looked fine in his pic, so I talked to him and that. Okay. So we did come to the point of texting each other. His service provider was Smart. I had a Smart sim back then. He is an anime fan too. He also called our home. I heard he’s a 4th year high school dude from Antipolo. We continued talking till January. Ended too soon.

2. Next was the guy named Bryan. This one’s quite persistent. He does want me for a girlfriend, but I refused mainly because I do not know him and I have a principle of not hooking with guys that I just met randomly. Besides, I have a boyfriend that time. He still pursued that, I didn’t waver. Well, he even asked for a term like 100 days before I agree. Didn’t work for me. Ultimately, we stopped talking and texting.

3. Alex was next. Was he someone I knew from a friend? I don’t know. His providers are Sun and Globe. Somewhat persistent, but I turned him down earlier on. We just became friends and text pals. Did not last, though he still sends forwarded quotes. Okay. So he said things like he likes me. Whatever.

4. Gelo is another guy from Bearshare. He’s attractive, however he has Smart sim alone. Anyway, we texted as soon as I had the smart sim. He seems alright, but then… I thought again. He’s younger. So scrap it.

5. Joel is a friend of a friend’s cousin. I was wondering why that friend gave my Globe number knowing I’m in a relationship of that sort. Anyway, he’s quite a time killer and he asks many questions. I tried to answer almost all with honesty but of course it’s not good to be a tell-it-all. He has also a Sun Sim and we often talk with that. But it also ended the next year.

6. Jospeph is another guy who has smart sim. I’m not quite familiar with him, but I’m pretty sure I chatted with him at YM’s Metro Manila Barkada room (I don’t know what number). Ended quickly. Not quite interesting.

7. Light was his nickname, and I don’t even remember if he told me his real name. We met at Japanese Animation 3, and become instant buddies even before I loved Death Note. I thought he’s Kira Yamato, so I reacted and he then replied he’s from Death Note. Okay so there was instant connection. We’re accidentally both Freshmen in college and we had lots of commonalities. He got my number and we exchanged a few words at mobile. Did not last though.

8. His name is quite weird, but I guess it’s a nick. He was called Milez, and he’s from Bearshare. We talked a bit in chat, but mostly we’re mobile. He’s actually Globe. Another guy my age, we had some things that are common. But in the end, it wasn’t that useful.

9. Riou (Paulo) is someone I met during my 1st year high school days. We had lots in common that time—extreme addiction for anime songs, current situation… but we really had to know those when we’re in 4th year, after a brief YM chat (we’re already on each others’ lists). We had a lot of fun times talking in our Sun Sims, even texted using globe, and that happened till summer before College. I heard he got admitted at DLSU and is still there. Happy for him, but now we do not talk.

10. Tetsuya Akiziwa was his said name, and he told me he’s a half-Japanese. He’s the only guy I met with eyeball, and the only guy I talked to using internet phone. He’s actually hot, if I may judge his looks. Using a globe number, we texted to meet at BK Robinsons Galleria. I was at that time with my boyfriend. He knew I have one, but he still pursued me. Anyways, I didn’t agree to him other than the EB. We were watching Beowulf that time, and it was reserved seating, so he chose to sit at the seat beside me. We texted during the film (I guess because of the lighting of our mobiles my boyfriend noticed we knew each other). He gave me a ribbon pendant (an accessory,) and he even calls our house after that. Not that it gave him false hope when I met him, because I clearly told him that I can’t cheat on my boyfriend as he wants me to. A war between our ideals broke our communication and that was it.

11. Vincent Yang was a catchy person’s name in my list. I knew him also way back, maybe during 2nd year or 3rd year High School. We just had a long talk when we’re in college. He also studies at DLSU that time, and he had a Sun sim. We talk, text during class. I must admit that among all these guys, he’s the one I’m really attracted to. He looks pretty fine for a Chinito. Haha. But both of us are in relationships. We had thoughts of giving it up… Oh well, I had sins because of him. I better not tell it here then.

12. Zeal will be the last one I could remember. He’s someone from Bearshare that eventually was added to my YM. We also texted and he’s Globe. Nothing much that make him be remembered.

Right now, I have no connection in all of them except that they’re in my mobile phone (numbers) and in my YM list. There are others like them but didn’t get my number. That made my Friends list in YM go as high as 400. These guys are just to fill up the emptiness I felt about my relationship way back in 2006 and 2007. Well, I kinda got over the problems now. I bet there could only be a few guys that bug me now—like some seniors I had in college, former classmates, anime convention instant friends, people I meet at random places… even current classmates. They add some spice to my life, and my then boring relationship.

Anyway, upon admitting I had some connection with these people, I should say I didn’t have any firm relations with them. It’s just a sort of next level friendship, but wait… no romance involved.

You know, I might have not told in my blog honestly back then what actually bugs me and made me feel that relationships are worthless. It has something to do with my relationship. But now, I could say we got over those hurdles as if we’re starting anew. We suddenly went back to what we were before when we just became the so-called couple: chatting endlessly, texting, seeing each other more frequently, doing video calls… it was some sort of an overhaul. Maybe because we’re a bit more intimate when it comes to some things now. I guess I don’t need anyone to analyze it for me, unlike last sem. Somehow, I’m sure of something: I’m having the time of my life now that I enjoy it. I find things happening now very pleasing. It’s like I’m dreaming but I’m not. This better continue, or I might do something more stupid than before.

Yeah, I love this certain person now—I could practically say that—that’s why I can’t do anything as weird as what I did before now.

Gudang grosir baju anak murah - harga pabrik !!
www.gudanggrosiran.com Categories: Old Stuff, People, Romance, Web/Tech