Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

A Bug's Sex Life.

The Green Porno DVD caught his sight as i was packing my bags. His raised his eyebrow and whispered, "You're taking that with you?"

I gave a wave nonchalantly and said, "It's not what you think."
I had the DVD 3 years back but because of its title, i never had a chance to play it at home, in a living room of 5 with my parents who'll probably frown at mild PDA.

Last night, after 3 years, i played it, in the privacy of my studio apartment, in anticipation.

Thankfully, the DVD still worked. My eyebrows couldn't go any higher as i watched the series of short films. I chuckled silently to myself as Isabella Rossellini delivered comically how insects mate with elaborate cardboard cut-outs and foam-rubber sculptures. It's a grey line whether it's for children viewing, while it's very educational at the incredible variety of mating insects have, Isabella made it very scandalous by putting thought-starters how similar humans are in our mating behaviour.

The information will probably be archived into my Dewy classification 069 Random knowledge.
How Bees Mate
Male bees mate in mid-flight, leaving their cock in the wine bottle so no one else's drinks and die.
                                                           How Praying Mantis Mate
We all know that the female praying mantis eats the male after copulating, but we didn't know that if we're a stickler for accuracy  it happens WHILE mating.

How Earthworm Mate

In 69.

How Snails Mate

Snails are pretty sick and deviant. They like putting their faces in asses and sadomasochism turns them on. 

How Dragonfly Mate

Like a double-standard male chauvinist.


Did you find them educational? Do you see the similarities of human and insect? If human can't practice monogamy or think twice about risking "cock" (divorce, broken families, diseases) just to have sex, we're no different from insect aren't we?
I shared my discovery with my new friends. They found me strange.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Face Yoga, a fad?

If you don't already know, i'm pretty sporty.
I'm game to try anything new.

Most recent was aerial dance, and then drums alive.
I've yet to try laughing yoga, but late 2012, ABCnews reported that Face Yoga is the new, natural anti-aging trend.

I used to have 2 colleagues in their mid 30s who are the best of friends, sitting side by side. They make each other laugh a lot, yet they also fear of getting crow's feet from all that laughter. I observed a strange habit of theirs whenever they laughed. They would use their second finger and pull back at the sides of their eyes as they laugh.

Like this
This move can sometimes be judged as racist.

Little did this two simple-minded, happy-go-lucky ex-colleagues of mine know that they were sitting (or rather practicing) on a business potential.

Facial yoga was developed by Annelise Hagen, of New York Yoga. By making the "fish face", the "lion face" or the "satchmo", it been scientifically proven that the muscular activity helps to prolong the production of collagen and elastin, which makes your face firm and springy.

This new fad is all the rage now in America, i chanced upon a SUPER HILARIOUS face yoga series by KFC SA.

Didn't they say laughter is the best medicine?






They even did a commercial for face yoga mat!
Is Face Yoga for Real?

Saturday, August 25, 2012


 when you discreetly blot your armpit with tissue & someone saw it

It's true. The other day, someone was staring at me as i was blotting my armpit with tissue. I couldn't help it, i was sweating like a pig!

And that date who dug his nose thinking i didn't see it? I saw it.

Now with Google Street View, a 360 degree camera view of the world, there are people staking out and trawling the web just to catch funny or freaky images!

Here's what Google Street View caught.
Woman adjusts bra in store reflection

Street Prostitution, founders of geylangcheckers.com don't need to be threatened anymore
Crime in action.
Caught red-handed.
VPL no no.
Irritating kid.
Freaky horseman.
Just shopped for a sex doll.
Without a head.
Half faced.

Needs slimming down.
That's a secret button somewhere.
Same fashion sense or something freakier?


Apparently, its Jon Rafman who started the trend of spotting these Google Street View images. The rest of the world followed suit.

You know, i'm guilty of thinking no one is looking when i'm in the lift.



Think twice before you dig that nose, or pull that wedgie, or scratch in between your ass and sniff.



What happens in elevators, don't just stay in elevators.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Need another date idea? Take a trip to Mustafa. My friend told me that occasionally he susses out his first dates by asking if they'll venture down Little India. If they frown and don't seem too willing, he knows they're likely to be high maintenance, not quite his type.

Mustafa is like a Twilight Zone, one that is open 24 hours. No wonder some of my friends thought it to be a spot to show tourists. Multi-level shopping, you'll find a supermarket stocked with unimaginable variety that can't be found elsewhere. Occasionally, you'll find half bitten fruits in the baskets, if that's your kinda thing.
Nando restaurants only sell the Perri sauce, check out how much more there is in Mustafa!
The confectionary aisle beats even hypermarkets. A good place to buy Singapore souvenirs or presents for that Christmas office party where you have to give many. Do check for expiry dates though!                
For that colleague who has OCD.
Mustafa have an international selection. I was surprised to find this! When i saw it in London, i thought it was a vintage sweet. However, there is a stark difference in printing between the one here and the one from London. I was pleased to find one can that was already opened by a previous vandal (i wouldn't be able to do it, i am a prude) so i knew exactly how mint balls look like. They're cane sugar balls and they're as small as a mouse's testicles.
For that too talkative colleague who ought to keep their mouth full with balls.
 Visiting Singapore and expected to bring something home for not-so-favourite people? Find Singapore chocolate coins in packs of 10 for only 39 cents each. You get 90s prints of Singapore's tourist spots  like China Town, Jurong Bird Park and the Esplanade .
This reminds me of the badly photoshopped backdrop of Singapore, found in a shop in Little India.
I am not surprised to find Mustafa immortalised as one of the icons, as it's most likely printed and produced by the innovative mall.

If collecting chocolates modelled every nation's icons is your thing, Singapore obviously has her offering.
My favourite item in the food department that would make a great souvenir or gift for overseas friends is the tea pack. India is known for their good tea leaves, so i'm sure the quality wouldn't be too bad.
A little pricier, at $12.
Some even come with premiums!
The range of Singapore souvenirs, is unimaginable.

For that action-packed colleague.

For that fat colleague.
For the times you need to give many but none are really worth investing? Mustafa's confectionary department offers many value packs, easily seperable and looking totally presentable! 
For the money faced friends. $5.90 for a pack of 5.
A lady bug at Coco Tree (exactly the same) costs $0.80 each, get 50 for only $6.15.
A shy school boy who wants to give a girl something on Valentine's Day? Give the entire class lady bugs but your special lady gets 3! Subtle enough and friendly for that student's pocket.

That dreaded party present exchange coming up? Head over to Mustafa for plenty of cheap gift ideas. Perfumes are perceived as expensive gifts, check out these ones at Mustafa for the cheapo you.
For that materialistic colleague at a not quite materialistic price $4.40
Want to hint something to that colleague you fancy? Do it at $4.40 too.
Want to hint to your boss you've had enough with uncooperative team members? Or are you the geek who wants to be an alpha male? Do it for $11.50, highly concentrated, guaranteed to attract you a herd of ladies, if not kill all surrounding men with the One Man Show.
 
Some men call their appendages Anacondas. Please don't spray the Cobra at your Anaconda.
Got a friend who fantasize being Rambo? Get him this super manly looking bottle. He'll wake up every morning, look in the mirror and feel like he's holding a grenade. 
$16.50
If you're feeling nostalgic and want that scent you grew up with, check Mustafa before giving up.
Very retro make-up box sets.
 Please remember to check expiry dates also.

For that girlfriend who wants CHANEL but you can't afford right now? For $28, you get 1 Swarvoski crystal too wor!
The variety of perfumes in Mustafa is unimaginable. Can't sleep? Go knock out your senses.

Apparently, there're other people who can't sleep too! I thought i saw an obscene flasher.
 Alas, it was just a tester. Like Yoko Yoko, this is for you to rub neck aches and pain.
Got a fun-loving grandma? This would suit an Asian grandma better. More subtle.

Most products are imported from India, i didn't know facial hair dye even existed! Unimaginable.
He looks really really smart!
Then, there is also the electronics, clothing and pretty much everything else department. You know they say soon everyone will either marry an Indian or a Chinese right? I am sincerely impressed how our Indians like the Chinese are highly creative, innovative with high efficiency before you can even say Y2K.
Making fun of mobile apps, a huge thing these days.
I wasn't joking about Mustaf being a budget friendly date location. Check out their newly open rooftop restaurant! Serving Indian cuisine at reasonable prices, spend $50 instead of $200 at 1-Altitude.
Dine under the moonlight with unobstructed views.
It's definitely unimaginable to find this spot. It took us quite awhile to navigate ourselves in that huge mall where you need to pass the clothing department, pass the supermarket, find the lift that takes you to 7th floor.
Go, find the unimaginable at the Twilight Zone.

Be naughty ;p